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The Sgt Frog Abridged Movie

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The Sgt Frog Abridged Movie

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Episode 25

The following is unedited from the original document except for formatting. Lines may have been rewritten during recording and/or editing.

ScriptEdit

Keroro: *Opening dramatic narration* Many moons after the defeat of the Shurara Corps, the Keroro Platoon are on a mission to find Viper's hidden treasure. We join our intrepid heroes in Much Pinching, Peru! Where the buildings pee freely, and the ground hates gravity. Gotta say, I was skeptical to come here, but one waterless water slide later...!

*Keroro walks out of the shadows*

Keroro: *Still dramatic but also in pain* And I really need a band-aid!

Giroro: *Hand on shoulder* I told you not to drag your ass on brick like a dog!

Keroro: *Put off, slight camp lisp* Well I didn't lithennn, Giroro.

Fuyuki: *Cracks head on ceiling, left eye slides upward slowly before correcting, slight slur for a second* Cccome onn guuysss, we're in Macchu Picchu! We barely leave the house. *Turns, inquisitive, GASP* You guys think the ancient Incans were Vipers?

Keroro: *All cool like* Let's hope so, Fuyuki, 'cause I've come to collect my inheritance.

Fuyuki: *Creepy turn* But what if the money died?

Keroro: *SQUEAK GASP* What if it did, Dororo...?!

Dororo: ...Are you shitting me?

Keroro: *Smack* What if it did, Dororo?!

Giroro: God...

Keroro: *Turning to Tamama, Sweetly* Hun, be a dear and set off any traps.

Tamama: Oh?! ...Uh... Heh-heh... *Unconvinced* G.I. Jeeeeehhh...?

Fuyuki: Wait, I wanna watch! *Loud smack is heard, Turns corner* Whoa, what'd you find?

*Ominous music*

Keroro: *Running up excited* Ooh, we found it we found it! Triangle! That's a... Viper thing, right? Secret handshake! HOO! *Keroro jumps back, door opens and they all hop in* Ha! Just like your old house, Dororo!

Dororo: You weren't supposed to learn it.

Giroro: Wuh... reminds me of when I went to the dentist.

Tamama: Long and smells of copper?

Dororo: *Jumps down* Hup! Nah, he lived in a wall.

*Keroro steps on a trap switch, alarm goes off that is just Patrick Warburton saying “uhhh” repeatedly. Wall slides down and locks them in*

Dororo: Yeah, he had this too!

Dororo, Fuyuki, Tamama: Oh-? AAAAAAAH!

*Cylinder hits the ground*

Keroro, Giroro, Dororo, Tamama Fuyuki: AGH!

Keroro: I'M NOT SORRY!

Dororo: Go, go, GO, GO, GO, GO!!!

*Every time Keroro steps on another switch, there's another loud “uhhh”. First trap shoots arrows at Tamama and Fuyuki. Dororo swipes them out of the air*

Tamama: HOOOO!

Dororo: NOPE!

*Next trap button opens a trapdoor in their path*

Giroro: Stop pressing every button in our path! If we die here, I'm gonna kill you!

Fuyuki: *Falls over* OOH-!

Keroro: I'm not givin' NONE'A y'all the pleasure! *Whips out Kero ball, presses a button to get punched in the face* OOF! OOF! OOF! OOF! OOF!

*Wall slides the group away from danger*

Giroro, Dororo, Tamama Fuyuki: AH!

Giroro: Alright, point: Viper.

Keroro: *Sitting up with injured face* Crap! I hit the save-our-lives button!

Fuyuki: Don't worry, Sarge, I think that's the portal to heaven.

Keroro: Eh? *Sees large, shiny and brilliant portal* Whoa! *Peaks head in* Hello? Yoko Ono? You're dead, right?

Tamama: Huh. Doesn't look a treasure room.

Dororo: Best that we don't touch anything suspicious.

Keroro: Yeah you guys do that- *Starts pulling on a random key* URRGH! UUURRRRRRRGH!!

Giroro: GODDAMNIT! WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?!

Keroro: Ah, come on Giroro! When has anything pink tried to kill us?

Giroro: Lavender!

*Key slides in, electrocutes Keroro*

Keroro: Oouh? AAAGGAAAAGAGAAGGGAAAAGAGGAAAAGAAA!!!

Giroro, Fuyuki, Dororo, Tamama: Ah!

Fuyuki: The Kero Ball!

*Crystal glows*

Giroro: Ah balls.

*Pillars rise up, crystal electrifies*

Keroro: So! Let's do the brave thing and run!

*They all dash for the exit, a whooshing sound is noticed by Fuyuki, who turns back and sees Nazca*

Fuyuki: Wha-?

Keroro: *Impatiently* Fuyuki!

Fuyuki: Quick, Sarge! How's my breath?! *Turns and she's gone* Oh...

Keroro: Clearly the worst, now run!

*They all jump through the portal and suddenly explode out of a wall*

Keroro, Dororo, Giroro, Fuyuki, Tamama: AAAAAAAH!

Keroro: KULULU! PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE AWAKE!!

*Missile fires and they land on Kululu's facealloon*

Keroro, Fuyuki, Giroro: Oof!

Dororo, Tamama: *Land face-down* BLARF!

Keroro: Woo! First time anyone was happy to sit on your face, eh Kululu?

Kululu: *Confident* No need to thank me, guys. And if you do, I'm popping the balloon.

Keroro: *Cheery* That seems unreasonable! Let me tell you, Kululu, I- AAAAAGH!

Dororo, Tamama, Fuyuki: GAAAAAAH!

Giroro: FUCKING GOOOOOOD!

*Explosion, screaming in the distance, zoom in on Nazca*

Nazca: *Staring, in her mind* Tch. Welp.

*Cut to crystal, Heartbeat and baby crying builds up, Image zooms out as title text appears. Heartbeat changes to a drum pattern that leads into “Your Love”. Movie title sequence plays with “Your Love”*

TheMidnightFrogs present
A TheMidnightFrogs parody film
Written by TheMidnightFrogs
Directed by AMidnightFrog

The Sgt Frog Abridged Movie

*Shot of the Hinata house, "Your Love" continues playing on a radio. Cut to Fuyuki setting a picture down*

Fuyuki: Happy birthday, Natsumi!

Natsumi: *Somewhat unconvinced* Thaaanks Fuyuki. *Hands to Koyuki, cheerful* Happy anniversary, Koyuki.

Koyuki: Thanks, Fuyuki!

Fuyuki: What the fuck.

Koyuki and Natsumi: *Giggling at Fuyuki*

Giroro: *Thinking* Rrrrrgh... My leg's laughing, but I'm not! *Out loud* There had to be something else there! Why would Viper build a base under Macchu Picchu for a lightbulb?!

Keroro: *Relaxed and cool* Hey man, you saw how dark it was down there.

Giroro: Your grave will be dark!

Keroro: *Still relaxed, quickly* I hope so, I'm fuckin' tired. *Sees Natsumi about to drink orange juice* Huh-? OH SHIT!

*Keroro swipes it from her hand*

Natsumi: Wuh-?! Hey, what's your deal?!

Keroro: Don't you know drinking orange juice is bad for you?! You put it in your hair, like this! *Like an advertiser* Just look at those results! *Normal, softer deadpan* I joke, but this is Keronian OJ, and it will kill you.

Natsumi: *Softly* Then why... *Grabs his head, shakes him around angrily* Did you put it in our fucking refrigerator?!

*Keroro slides the bottle into hammer space with a sloppy sound*

Fuyuki: Don't worry about it, Na-ah- please never do that again.

Keroro: What? Don't be afraid of nature Fuyuki. I'm more afraid of you than you are of me. *Without changing tone* Oh god, please take my money, don't hurt me.

Fuyuki: Wha-? Shit, alright! *Dark Keroro's viewfinder* I'm gonna go buy another gift for Konatsumiyuki OR WHATEVER!

*Camera pans out to reveal Dark Keroro's bridge*

Dark Keroro: *Sinister and a little unhinged* This guy... this freak... he's beautiful!

Miruru: According to our records, his name is Carl. He's made of plastic and lives in a desk.

Dark Keroro: They make him wear disturbing gloves.

Shivava: Heh yeah, they make him look like a gangrened gorilla. A gangorilla, am I right? Up top-! *Bonks head with staff* Ow, oh...

Doruru: *Dramatic and poetic* Are we here to enlist this “Carl”? *Genuinely* His hands are so delicate and kind.

DK: *Offscreen* He's the one who woke me up. *Stands up* The fucker. Wouldn't even give me an extra five minutes.

Miruru: Grand Cardinal! This is definitely where Viper's message was sent. We're ready at your command.

DK: *Darkly, quickly and mildly psychotic* Yeah. *Swishes head sassy* That's right. When I give my command, you do as I say. When you hear my voice, it is the voice of god bringing meaning to your pitiful lives. Everything you are belongs to me...

Miruru: *Standing utterly gobsmacked, eyes tiny but mouth still smiling, creaky intake of air*

Shivava: God? Make Doruru stop leaving me hanging!

*Ship flies off into the clouds. Cut to Momoka's house*

Paul: Mistress Momoka has tasked you with washing all of our employees.

Keroro: *Flatly* No.

Paul: They have been here all night trying to undo whatever you've done to our system! S'only fair.

Momoka: *Steps forward, readies fist, turns evil* IF YOU DON'T WANT ME TO CRTL+Z YOUR FACE!

Paul: S'also fair.

Keroro: *Angry and fuming* Alright, you know what?! I'm tired of being accused of shit I didn't do! ...when I can be accused of shit I did do! Don't ask for specifics!

*Guard arrives in the lift*

Momoka: Oh! Fuyuklone 23!

Fuyuklone: Darling! The sky is flushing!

Momoka: ...Like a tornado...?

Fuyuklone: Even more baller!

Keroro: See, now you can hate me... what?!

*Cut to the house as Natsumi and Koyuki put clothes into the house*

Koyuki: *Standing proudly, cheerfully* When did I agree to this?

Natsumi: ...We're a couple. We help each other because we're supposed to.

Koyuki: You don't help out at my house.

Natsumi: You don't have one anymore. *Saburo pops his head over the fence* Hm? Oh, hey... you. Can I help you? *Hops over the fence, walks directly to the door.* Um, dude? Dude! Hey! HEY!

Dororo: Koyuki! Natsumi! ...Him! *Rumbling* I sense something evil is on its way...!

*Sky flushes, people look at it. Blast of air pushes the clouds away. DK's ship materializes. Cut to Mois*

Mois: *Panicked* Ah! Oh my god! *Soccer game is playing* 3 to nothing?! Wake up, Germany! *Runs out* I'm gonna go give them a piece of my mind!

*The platoon go running out of Momoka's house*

Kululu: *Breathing heavily for an extended period*

Giroro, Tamama: *Exertion noises*

Keroro: *Slightly tired* Wuh...? *Sees the giant frog ship* AGH! No frog has ever looked like that!

Giroro: Unless you used a car.

Keroro, Tamama: *See missile* WAGH!

Tamama: It heard you!

*Missile lands in front of Kululu*

Kululu: *Sigh* Finally... *Explodes, deadpan* AAAAAAAAAGH.

Keroro: *Turns and is shocked to see Kululu explode* Kululu!

Kululu: *Injured, slightly slurred, off in the distance* It's okay, those bones needed breaking...!

Shivava: HOO-WEE! Break out the baking soda! Who's got two thumbs and wants you to eat shit? This guy! And who's got your twenty bucks and is never givin' it back?

Tamama: *Through gritted teeth* SHIVAVA, YOU MOTHERFUCKER, GIMME 'EM!

Shivava: Naaah!

*Flies back, Doruru flies through the flame, fires at the platoon*

Giroro: Father?! Oh, no it's not, thank god.

Doruru: I am father to no one. Except some weird avocado people on Mars.

*Fires at them*

Giroro: *Thinking* Wait... I know who that is...! Doruru, my old military guidance counselor! He was always going on about us being in crisis... until he invented fire. Then there was a crisis!

Keroro: So our dickheads for this week are Shittier Garuru and Shittier Putata?

*Doruru's head steams, Shivava sings “Your Love” by The Outfield to himself and dances. Tamama fires at Shivava*

Shivava: Oh. *Shot completely misses* Wasn't ready for that! Good thing your aim sucks, you sad tramp! *Charges attack* This is how you do it! Pay close attentiooon!

*Tamama just stares at blast, Keroro and Giroro get the fuck outta there*

Keroro: *Panting as he runs in a panic*

*Giroro shoots at Doruru*

Giroro: Got any crappy life advice now?!

Doruru: Eat a light lunch before I FUCK YOU UP!

Giroro: *Gut punch* HOOAAARK- *Crashes down next to Keroro and Tamama, breathless and Spanish* Potatoes...

Keroro: *Shaking Tamama, quickly* Breathe with your lungs, dammit! *Giroro crashes nearby, panicked* STOP WORKING ON YOUR TAN!

Shivava: *Camera pans up, does weird "hua-hau-hua-hau-hua-hau-huah" laugh and gets Keroro's attention* Looks like you're up paddle creek with your cock out!

Keroro: *Sees Dark Keroro, baffled* Who the...?

*Dark Keroro lands his robot, hops down to their level*

DK: So... *Point, accusingly* Carl! My most sexual of adversaries!

Keroro: *Frightened* AGH! Thank you for noticing!

DK: *Holds up two fingers, menacingly* You have two seconds to convince me not to end you right now.

Keroro: *Proud* Too bad! 'Cause I have nothing to live for! *Dramatic point* You'll get no satisfaction from it!

DK: *Pause, tuts and sighs while saying* Yeah... *Confident again, steadily more manic* Alright. Then you get to watch me turn the people of this planet into my own personal ANT FARM! *Montage of equipment shutting off and TVs going RohoR again, DK monologues* Right now I'm hacking into every television, radio, Furby and turn signal on Earth. *Cocky* But this batter needs it some eggs.

*Giant frog ship opens, fires out thousands of Kerobuddhas. When the Buddhas land they start blasting the rinkety dinkety riff from “We Built this City". Shot of New York cops and criminals being affected*

People: *Deliriously* Keroroooooo...! *Smacks as they bow and hit their faces on the ground*

Various people in Tokyo: Keroro's what I need in the morning! I'm hot for Keroro and cold in general! Eat me instead, Keroro! Keroro, want my sandwich?! Keroro, want my wife?! Keroro, want?! Keroro! Keroro, yeah! Keroro's my britches! Keroro scrungle my grungus! I eat and sleep Keroro! I eat and sleep for Keroro! Time for Keroro! Keror O'Brien! Who cares-oro, it's Keroro! Kerodoodledoo! Keroro, not carrots! Look I'm trying but I can only think of Keroro. Think about something to say about Keroro, Jacob! It's Kerorobblin' time! I can spell Keroro's name! Ow my face for Keroro! Keroro Love Fighters, commencing attack!

Natsumi and Koyuki together: Huminahuminahumina HAAAaahhhh! *Bow and smack their faces on the ground*

Dororo: What the... Dude, go home!

*Cut to Momoka's base*

Momoka, Fuyuklones and scientists: HAAAaahhhh! *smack*

Paul: BAAAaahhh! *smack*

Crowd of people: *snoring*

*Cut back to the platoon and DK*

Dark Keroro: So you see, Staplerman. I've enslaved and knocked out the entire population in just two minutes. *Leans back* What have you done today...?

Keroro: *Struggling noises trying to think of an answer, voice crack* I've had a very busy week of crying!

Fuyuki: *From a distance* Sarge! Something weird's happening! People like you!

Keroro: *Panicky* Fuyuki! Save me! Kick me to Mars!

Fuyuki: *Charges up a punt, scene slows a bit* Nnnrrrgh! *Quickly, regretful* Sorry I panicked.

Keroro: *Turns, cannot believe this* Tch, ugh...

Fuyuki: *Defensive* Hey, don't look at you like that! ...Wuh-?!

DK: That's right. People like me. I am delicious. Yum-yum-yum, young human.

Fuyuki: You know we have therapists on this planet.

DK: *Shocked* Hnn?! *Jumps into his mech, furious* I'm going to have everyone you love kill themselves for my amusement! *Points, deep and sinister* And it'll be allll your fauuult...!

*DK plops into the cockpit, readies to fire missiles*

DK: Five o'clock! *Fires missiles*

Giroro: Get the hell out of here!

*They run away, missiles explode around them*

Fuyuki: *Worried* Huh-?! AGH!

DK: *Taunting* Look at that! Your own private island. *Calling out* Somebody get him a bucket to fill in his moat! AH-hahahaha!

*Everyone flies off*

Shivava: Hah! You tell him, God!

Doruru: Hngh.

DK: *Still laughing to himself*

Fuyuki: *Watches them leave, then turns to camera* Can you find the X? *Turns and yells out (ignore running)* SARGE! ARE YOU OKAY?!

Keroro: *Crushed under the large rock Fuyuki is standing on, slightly muffled* Well you see Fuyuki...

Fuyuki: AGH! It's okay, I got it! *Struggling noises as he lifts the rock*

Keroro: *Crawling away, injured and weak, hard to make out* I've got about 36 broken bones. I counted while you were *suddenly shouting* STANDING ON MY ASS!

Fuyuki: I'm sorry.

Keroro: I know it was hard. Now let's go fffuggimup. *Saucer lands beside him*

Fuyuki: Ah- hang on, Sarge-! *Smacks on the ground*

Mois: *From a distance running up* Fuyuki, wait- oh thank you. ...Thiiis isn't Munich.

*Ship rises into the sky with dramatic music. Cut to a bunch of men pulling a broken car up a hill*

Men: *Chanting* K! E! R! O! You forgot the Alamo! You bankrupt! Uh! Huh! *Pans up to show more guys hammering into a wall* Everybody do work tonight! *Lower guy* Everybody do work tonight-

*Cut to further shot showing what they are building, fade into DK's command center*

Dark Keroro: *Quickly* Status on the-... thingy. That thing! What are we building?

Miruru: Progress is as quick as people dying by the thousands can make. And we're building an Earth destroyer. Made by Earth, from Earth. And we're giving it nuts.

Shivava: Hey Boss! ...God. Bruce... Clapton... We found a nose that grew into an ugly guy. *Throws him onto the ground*

Keroro: *Face down* URMF. *Stands up, Coupon salesman voice* I heard someone wants to buy some COUPOOONS- *Trapdoor opens. Calmly, to himself* Well, diddle damnit, okay, alright...

Miruru: Wuh-? Sir, we've got a different problem.

Shivava: HWRACK.

*Fuyuki is flying impotently up in the saucer*

Shivava: Look at this asshole!

Dark Keroro: Ah yes. He belongs to Carl. He must live in the can.

Doruru: *Readying noise* Hmph!

Shivava: *Punches himself in the face* Ha! Let's blow him out of the sky I didn't punch myself you did.

DK: His lack of mind control is confusing. Luckily I don't like to think. Ignore him, he can't do anything to us.

*Cut to Mois running with Tamama*

Tamama: *Gaggy noises as Mois's shoulder keeps driving up into her gut*

Mois: *Panting as she runs. Sighs in exhaustion as she sets Tamama down*

Giroro: *Delirious* Your helmet is gaaay. Give it back.

Mois: But Giroro! *Points to the sky*

Giroro: S'not mah name. Address me appropriately. And dress appropriately. When'd that get there...?

Mois: There's a weirdo that looks like Uncle, and he blew you all up. Now Uncle, Fuyuki and Naughty Uncle are up there.

Dororo: *Jumps in* Naughty Unc-cccllule has taken Natsumi and Koyuki! We need to get up there now!

*Fuyuki goes flying out of the cloud layer, knocks a Raiden seagull out of the sky*

Fuyuki: ...wwwwwWWWAAAAAAAAAGH! *Sees the top of the ship* Whoa. This thing has no business being this cool. *Pause, saucer falls* AAAAAAAAAAGH- OOF!

*Nazca catches Fuyuki and sets him safely on the ground*

Fuyuki: Wuh- huh...? *Reverent* Are you armpit boob god?

Nazca: *Says nothing for a few seconds, floats down to his eye level, sighs through her nose* Listen, kid. The thing you're wearing is the key to freedom.

*Starts flying away while Fuyuki talks*

Fuyuki: What thing? My jacket? My jeans? My underpants?! All of it?! I'm a free bitch! *Runs away, falls into a trapdoor* AAAAAAAAAAGH! *Splash, climbs out weakly* Uhhh...huh? *Sees the corpse* Do you love me...?

Corpse: ...Yeh.

*Cut to Keroro in the sewer*

Keroro: *Short sharp* AGH. *Sighs awkwardly as he sits down* All I wanted to do was give him a discount on this OJ. *Angrier* And fit every drop in his lungs. I DIDN'T SAY THAT! *To the OJ* You can keep a secret, right...?

*Fuyuki steps into the room*

Fuyuki: Sarge?

Keroro: *Startled* AAAAAAAAAGH!

*Sprays OJ all over the corpses in front of him, they all come to life*

Zombies: *Zombie noises*

Fuyuki: AAAGH OH GOD-! *Fighting commences*

Keroro: Ohmahgod. New slogan idea: "Keronian OJ: Deads the Living, Lives the Dead". What do you think, Fuyuki?

Fuyuki: *Panicked* Sounds great, Sarge! Can you give them some more?!

*Cut to them walking down a path*

Fuyuki: *Weak* So I'm dead and walking towards the light, right?

Keroro: *Giddy* Don't be silly Fuyuki! *Shocked pause* Oh my god... Welp, full speed ahead, bitches!

Fuyuki: Sarge, no!

Keroro: AAGH! *Wobbly, nervous sounds as he tries not to fall over the edge, zoom out to show outside of the ship and the waterfall, Fuyuki pulls him back* WooOP! *Smack, tired relief* Egh... I thought heaven had more togas and less sweat...

Fuyuki: *Panting* ...Eh-heh... It's not all mine. Eh?

*They get hit with a big wave of water and go flying into the air*

Keroro and Fuyuki: *Drowning, gargling noises*

Keroro: GAH! Fuyuki!

Fuyuki: *Coughing* Sarge, I forgot how to fly!

Keroro: Of all the times, you fuckup! *Pulls out iPod thing* I got it! *Presses button, saucer flies towards them, "Your Love" by the Outfield kicks in*

Keroro and Fuyuki: *Screaming as they grab the saucer, screaming as the saucer slows them down, sighing as it stops, they chuckle*

Keroro: How was that for a save?!

Fuyuki: I think I'll shred the disc when I get home.

Keroro and Fuyuki: ...Heh heh heh... HA HA HA HA HA!

*Continued laughing as it transitions to the command center*

Miruru: Sir, they're laughing.

DK: ...Is that what that sound is...? Eh?

*The rest of the platoon fly up*

Doruru: *Concerned* That poor girl's bottom...

Mois: *From a distance, excited* Heeey! Unclllle!

Giroro: I remembered who I am! You took my lunch money!

Fuyuki: *Quiet and concerned* Don't let him sleep, Sarge.

Shivava: Agh, come oooon! You stretch weird, fucker!

DK: Get rid of them. My show starts in a minute.

*Cut back to the platoon*

Giroro: WE NEED TO CALM DOWN!

Dororo: Honey please, we're very high up.

Shivava: Wow, you all look like ants from up here! Ants without high school education! I stole a textbook once; the ending sucked! *Kanji translates to "NEVER FINISHED MIDDLE SCHOOL"*

Tamama: *Grits her teeth angrily*

Giroro: *Flies up to Tamama, tired of her shit* GET A G.E.D., YOU FAILURE!

Tamama: *Through gritted teeth* WHEN I GET MY JEED, YOU'LL BE SORRY!

*Cut to Shivava thrusting lightning*

Shivava: Take that! And that! Not that! That!

Giroro: *Getting shot in the saucer* GRGH! Kululu!

Kululu: Gimme a minute, I'm smoking sausages. *Explosion next to him* Oh good, the cake's ready.

*Explodes in his face, immediate cut away to them flying over the ship*

Shivava: Missing them isn't working, and my phone's going off in my pocket!

*Fires a blast that fucking kills Mois*

Mois: AAAughllll...

*The rest quickly get blown up, Dororo flies in for the rescue*

Dororo: Tiny Ninja CATCH YOU STAAAAR! *Catches everyone progressively* Agh, shoulda... brought the... DOUBLEWIDE... GRAAAAAAGH! *Star explodes and they fall to the ship* AAAAAAH!

*Crash, only wind*

Keroro: *Weak and pained* Ugh... Where the...?

Doruru: *Announcing* Llllladies and gently used! Put your various limbs together for the First Annual Violent Beauty Pageant! If you lose, it's cause you are ugoooooo. In this corner, weighing... probably a lot more than me, SledgeHannaaa!

Audience: *Cheers*

Mois, Tamama, Giroro: *Gasping*

Dororo: Koyuki!

Doruru: And in this corner, hailing from the bottom of the sea, Jon Anderson! *Natsumi's axe squeaks*

Audience: *Boos*

Fuyuki: Sis!

Giroro: What are they doing?!

Keroro: GOOORE!

Doruru: And your moderators for this evening, God and meee!

Shivava: And I get front row!

DK: Alright, contestants! Let's have a good, clean ffff *starts huff-laughing to himself* fuck it, kill each other.

Mois: *Worried* No! They're in love! *More deadpan* And that's just awkward.

Giroro: That sick fucker.

Dororo: Natsumi's gonna die.

*Cut to Kululu typing away*

Kululu: Hey guys.

Giroro: What is it, Kululu?

*Cut to Giroro*

Kululu: ...How's it goin'?

Giroro: Uh... bad?!

Kululu: Oh. That sucks. *Pause, mouth smack* Found an article on BuzzFeed. "6 Dead Evil Twins You HAVE to See. Number 4 Will Shock You." ...And it did! Yeah, turns out it's Keroro's. Except Viper pumped him full of baby juice and he's alive again.

Fuyuki: ...Do I even want to know?

Keroro: My... my twin...? *Whispering shocked realization, zoom in, eyes shrink (Ignoring the camera shaking)* The OHHHHJAAAY...

*Koyuki and Natsumi attack each other while laughing, they look at each other passionately*

Natsumi: *In her head, sweetly* Ahhh, I love her and Keroro.

Koyuki: *In her head, sweetly* Ahhh, I love corn.

*Fighting continues to be heard while DK monologues to himself*

DK: Such a nice distraction from my nightly dream pain. *Announcing* Faster!

Natsumi: Ha-haha-haha!

Giroro: *Leaping in front of her* Natsum- *stomp* MERP!

Natsumi: Tra-lala-lala! *Turns around and continues swinging at him*

Giroro: AGH! GAH! AH SHIT! KNOCK IT OFF!

Dororo: *In front of Koyuki* Koyuki! I'm lost in the city and need a tracker! AGH! *Continued fighting noises as she swipes at him*

DK: *Moving his cape out of the way* MMRRFF ah that's better. I had the idea of making you kill each other in one-on-one tournament combat. But after I smashed my hand with a hammer, I had a better idea. Heheheheheh... HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Fuyuki: If I kill Tamama first, I can- no, no, no... *Fuyuki takes out the purse* Okay Sarge, how much would it cost to take out your niece?

Keroro: About that much. *Takes the purse*

Fuyuki: *Sudden slavery* HAAAAAAligator. *Smack*

Keroro: He's dead... Here's your payment for the River Styx. *Sets purse on his head*

Fuyuki: I think I left my Gameboy on.

*Keroro takes the purse*

Fuyuki: *Sudden slavery* EeeYOOOOO! *Normal* I think you left my Gameboy on. *Slave* OOOOO- *Realization* We all left my Gameboy on!

Giroro: *Still dodging Natsumi* Guys, hurry up! She has better aim than me!

Keroro: Brorodos! I figured it out! Kill them with the magic of sharing!

Fuyuki: The thing you wear is the key to freedom! Let them rob you!

Giroro: *Revving up to jump* Well you're not getting my wedding ring!

Natsumi: *Starry-eyed* Hahhh- *Snaps out of it* Wha-...?

Giroro: There go my pants.

Dororo: Koyuki, don't catch!

Koyuki: Aaaa? *Stab* Ow, blood loss.

Natsumi: *Surprised and slightly freaking out* Where the hell-?! Why am I in the Thunderdome?!

Koyuki: *Reassuringly* Listen. Two girls enter, one girl leaves.

Natsumi: Koyuki! Can you get me a... coat, or something? Oh wait, there's a pile over there!

Giroro: *Delirious and muffled* Happy to help, honey!

Fuyuki: *Runs over, bends over* Never mind. Back to the tournament idea. ARGHMN ARGHMN *Eats Giroro's face*

Giroro: AAAAAAAAGH!

*Shot of Natsumi looking horrified*

Keroro: Todos! Haul your ass, damnit!

Doruru: *Firing at Keroro* Guess who didn't finish laser class!

Keroro: *Nervous sounds, then blast hits* AaaAAAAGH! *Smacks on his face* UNF...

Fuyuki: Ooh-ooh, dibs! Dibs!

*Explosion reveals electrical circuits, cheering audience and electronics malfunction*

Natsumi: Fuyuki! *Shutter door is freaking out, Natsumi is waving to get their attention* Quick! Let's go while the world is pink!

Keroro, Giroro and Fuyuki: LAVENDER!

*They run in, Shivava flies after them*

Mois, Koyuki, Natsumi, Keroro, Tamama, Dororo, Fuyuki: *Panting as they run*

Fuyuki: *Notices something* Ah! Everyone! Over here! We can hide in here!

*Everyone runs in*

Keroro: Hide in what?!

Fuyuki: I'm sorry, Sarge. The base ate me.

*Trapdoor opens*

Mois, Koyuki, Natsumi, Keroro, Tamama, Dororo, Fuyuki: AAAAAAAH!

Shivava: *Flies past* Huh? Who's footprints are these?

Old Snake: FOX... DIIIIIIIE! *Explosion*

*Cut to the electricity cutting out and the audience disappearing, shots zoom in to see DK fly up in his mech to see the sunset. Shots of humans bowing plays throughout the monologue*

DK: *To himself, dead serious* Go ahead and run, little Carl Jrs. You haven't slowed me down at all. Every chimp on this planet now bows to me. And when they've built my war machine, nothing in the universe will stop me. When I find you, Viper, you're gonna take me to whoever put me in that tube. Then I'm gonna turn you both into my own personal lava lamp. It's about time someone else shared my nightmares.

*In the middle of the monologue, it cuts to Miruru sadly watching the silly Spiderman video*

*Cut to everyone looking sad next to a river*

Giroro: *Inhale* Awww...

Natsumi: Oh here, you want your belt back?

Giroro: *Still grumpy dumpy* No, no, no... Use it to keep your noodle.

Natsumi: Why are you talking like that?

Giroro: Because ah'm sayaaaad. *Pulls out a knife* Now die...

Natsumi: *Closed mouth* MMP-!

Giroro: Just kidding, let's trade.

Natsumi: Ooookay? *Realizing* Oh! Got it! Alright, here you go, grumpy dumpy.

Giroro: *Belt tightens* Hurr! *SQUACK*

Koyuki: *Hands knife over* Trade you for a band-aid?

Dororo: You'd probably catch something else, pal.

Koyuki: *Slightly grossed* Wugh...

Keroro: *Sad shock* He's my twin, Mois. We were in the egg together. Then we made like a banana and split. *Grimmer* I keep thinking about if he'd lived... or I didn't...

Mois: *Hops down, eager to cheer him up* You know what I do when I feel bad about my twin?

Keroro: *Shocked* Hwugh?!

Mois: *As an aside, quickly* Well first I remember she's older than me. *Cheery* But then I stuff my face with your faaace~!

Keroro: *SQUEEE*

Fuyuki: The tournament continues!

*Cut to Tamama while horrid sounds of Keroro eating viciously are heard off to the side*

Tamama: *In her mind* That was my last $20. Thanks to him I had to join the military just to get by. Now I live a life of luxury, have a... usually loving boyfriend. I'm no longer in the military. ...Things have turned out pretty good, actually.

Mois: *Gently, from a distance* Tamama? You alright?

Tamama: I'm emotionally conflicted, okay?!

*Happy music plays*

Mois: Listen, Tamama. Sometimes, bad things happen to good people. And a lot of good things have happened to you because you're bad people. *Tamama Turns* That's just the way the world turns. And then you get dizzy, and you throw up in your mama's bed. Like all those babies who left you.

Tamama: I'm gonna fucking kill you.

*Cut to Giroro looking into the water, zoomed in to hide Natsumi*

Doruru: *Singing weakly* Hah. I just peed in your yard tonight.

Giroro: *Staring into his water reflection* Wuhh...

Natsumi: Giroro?

Giroro: Hey Natsumi, check this shit out. Think I'm a vampire.

Natsumi: *Randomly bratty* You have baby hands.

Giroro: Whoa... what?

Natsumi: *Walks away* Just getting you in the fighting spirit.

Giroro: Uhh... *Looks at his hand* HRRRGH. *Eyes catch fire, "Owner of a Lonely Heart" riff plays*

*Cut to everyone walking down a tunnel*

Keroro: Kululu, status update!

Kululu: I have successfully eaten at every unmanned McDonalds. You would not believe the decrepitude my guts are experiencing. *His computer locks up* Ah damnit...! They found me...

Keroro: *Deadpan* Nothing to report, guys.

*Cuts to Dark Keroro on top of his ship*

DK: *Weak and frustrated* If only... I could sleep...!

*Dark Keroro starts having nightmarish flashbacks to his death in horror-style still images – a couple POV shots of disembodied hands reaching out from darkness and grasping at his neck. A couple are of him reaching his own arm out into the darkness, then turns out to be a POV of him inside the liquid chamber, with Viper peering in ominously from outside of it*

DK: *Through gritted teeth* Every time I close my eyes... I can't make him out... but I can make you out, Viper...!

Miruru: *Over intercom* Grand Cardinal!

DK: *Small gasp* What?!

Miruru: We have their location in the base! They're way up in the bad parts.

DK: We're evil, aren't we? Aren't they all bad?

Miruru: We need to rename some sectors, sir.

DK: *Dramatic flings his cape* Name it the thorax!

Miruru: *To herself, somewhat evilly* Alright. Time to crash in with the Passion for Fashion Contraption.

*Explosion, pink gas fills the room with the platoon. They all get put into silly outfits*

Mois, Fuyuki, Natsumi, Tamama: AHH?!

Giroro: WHAA- *Belaboured* BLRFFLHAGGN. Ugh...

Tamama: Ohh...

Keroro: What the... *Excited* Awwriiight! Now I feel and smell itchy!

Mois, Natsumi, Koyuki, Dororo, Tamama: Score!

*Suddenly the wristbands appear out of nowhere and attach to the platoon*

Keroro: Wuh-?!

Dororo: What the-?!

Koyuki: Ah!

Dororo: Everyone, look out!

*They attach to the kids*

Fuyuki: Uh-?! *Turns to Mois* Good effort, champ. Maybe next time.

*Bright flash*

Mois, Natsumi, Fuyuki: Ah!

*Light fades*

Giroro: Urgh... Well now I'm afraid of jewelry. *Turns, realizes everyone is gone* Heh? Where the-?! Guys!

Fuyuki: Sarge! Sis!!

Keroro: *Calling out into the void* Me! ME!!

Natsumi: What happened to every- *Sudden realization* ...oh my god....

Mois, Natsumi, Keroro, Koyuki, Giroro, Dororo, Tamama, Fuyuki: They fused into me... Huh? *Water comes rushing at them* Come on!!!

*Everyone gets washed away*

Koyuki: Ugh... *In her head* Dororo!

Dororo: *Snoring* HUH?! Koyuki?

Koyuki: Can you hear me?

Dororo: Sssshould I?!

Koyuki: *Matter-of-fact* Ninja magic bullshit.

Dororo: Oh, yeah. Onward!

*Fuyuki gets washed into a room with the Kero ball*

Fuyuki: *Long sigh* Huh? *Coughs a little* Almost forgot about you... *Turns and realizes where he is* Whoa!

*Dramatic music swell*

Fuyuki: Was that all a dream? Did I try to talk to that girl and pass out? Explains why I'm sweaty...

*Nazca appears, Tomb Raider theme plays*

Nazca: *Somewhat dramatic* Fuyuki. *Turns the room into the sky, points at a portal, music cuts* LEAVE.

*Music stops, Beat as Fuyuki turns to look at the portal. Cut directly to Giroro smashing a rock on the band*

Giroro: GRGH! GRGH! GRAAAAGH SHEEIT!

*Cut to Natsumi calling out*

Natsumi: Koyukiii! Girorooo! Still cooold!

*Cut to Tamama yodeling, then cut to Mois*

Mois: Wuh- Tamama?

Natsumi: *Surprised* Huh?

*Cut to Giroro looking down the waterfall, then up at the camera*

Giroro: ...Bless you, Tamama...

Mois, Natsumi, Giroro: *Confidently* I know where to go!

Tamama: *To herself, proudly* They know where to go.

*Cut to Keroro running*

Keroro: *Panting as he runs, takes out OJ. With a slight growl* Let's see how much you can handle, asshole.

*Cut to Fuyuki in a spotlight*

Fuyuki: *Half-unconscious* I'm juzzan ol' teevvee- uh?! *Groaning as he stands up*

Nazca: *Speaking into the shadows, casual* Yeah, he wouldn't leave.

Dark Keroro: *Lazily* Alright, alright...

*Dark Keroro steps out of the shadows*

DK: Fuyoukehhhh.

Fuyuki: ...No.

Nazca: *Somewhat sincerely* Sorry, kid. I tried to keep you from getting too involved. But... well...

*Nazca transforms into Miruru*

Fuyuki: Huh. Well things almost got really weird.

DK: *Ominous* Leave us. *She slide-whistles away. DK goes into monologue mode* I don't know why, but I got a weird affinity for you, kid. I have a proposition for ya. I'm only here for one thing. But the planet? Ain't it.

Fuyuki: ...You invaded it... and you don't want it...

DK: Yesss! Smart pickle. Taking over... It's just... *Turns and walks off* Ah. Maybe I didn't need to; I coulda found him anyway. But... I still had to.

Fuyuki: You... fuckin what.

DK: *Dramatic* No, I'm only here to take justice for my suffering. And the one responsible is here somewhere. Once I find him, this planet will mean nothing to me. So.... Fuyoukeh... what do you say? Help me take him out... and Earth is all yours.

Fuyuki: *Deadpan, matter-of-fact* You're trying to kill Keroro, aren't you.

DK: Eeh...?

Fuyuki: Can't you just kidnap my sister or some shit? It's gettin' old, man.

DK: Dude... I'm Keroro.

Fuyuki: *Beat* Oh. Sarge, there you are. Where did you go- *Looks around* Wait a minute, your plan is working! You're not Sarge!

DK: *Angrily yelling* I am a Sarge! I have my own slaves and everything! *Dramatic* Listen to their words!

Shivava: Hey Doruru, I got a new nickname for ya. It's Nick. *Softer* You don't have to like it.

DK: *Creepy nervousness* I hear their love for me in every word.

Miruru: Grand Cardinal!

DK: MERH?

Miruru: The humans and Keronians are converging on a single point. *The people are running* They figured out how to communicate with each other.

Giroro: *Bad yodeling while smashing his face into the wall*

Natsumi: *Yodeling as she jumps over a chasm*

Mois: *Yodeling as she runs out of a portal*

DK: What?! I thought it was a dead language!

Tamama: Yodel-hWAGHAGHAGHAGH

*Keroro makes it to the Gundam model*

Keroro: *Distressed* Carl! My cupboard buddy! You got my distress signal! *Replays "COUPONS"* Let's get you dressed for school.

*Giroro runs up*

Giroro: Rgh?! Ha! Yes, I think!

Natsumi: *Running up* Haha they made it!

Tamama: Lulululul-!

Mois: Uncle and the slave girls! We have a band name!

*Keroro holds up Carl's middle with tears in his eyes*

Keroro: I got your pants! I got your bra! *Carl comes together* Yeah! *Pours OJ, calmer* Now I'm gonna ruin it.

*Carl grows huge, eyes light up*

Carl: *Godlike* Thank you, Keroro. I am no longer penis.

Keroro: *Glee out the eyes* They grow up so fast! *Slightly sadder, more to himself* Aw, that means he'll be dead in a minute.

*Shivava's energy blasts rain down*

Shivava: Let's get him, Dad- I mean Nick- I mean Dick- I mean Doruru!

*Doruru also flies by and fires, Keroro enters the Gundam*

Keroro: *Yelling at them* My dad can beat up your dad! *Hops in, speaking to Carl determined* Alright, buddy. Just like we did in high school.

Carl: I hated you then.

Keroro: *Leans forward* That's right. And this time, I'm the target.

Carl: Dayum.

*Cut to Kululu typing rapidly on the computer as a cable flies up to him.*

Kululu: *Typing* Keroro's appendix is lopsided. *Shoots a cable* And he should feel bad about it.

Cable: *In the background* Cootchie-cootchie- *zap* AAAGH-!

*Saburo jumps out of nowhere and saves Kululu. He turns to Kululu with his mouth hanging open*

Kululu: Who the... alright.

Pop-up ad: Congratulations! You're one! But you could be more.

Kululu: *Excited* Aww, sick!

*A million Kululu robots activate. They fly off and land, then start playing "Your Love". The people of the world start snapping out of the mind control. Cut to Keroro in Carl getting ready to blast off*

Keroro: Let's hope the OJ counts as gasoline. *Blasts off hard* WWWWHAAAAAAAAAAAA CRAP!!

*Carl flies past Shivava and Doruru*

Shivava: Hey, bitch, I had my blinker on!

*They pursue and fire at Carl, Cut to Fuyuki and DK*

Fuyuki: See? Here comes the real Keroro.

DK: *Holding head in pain, panicked realization* No! I am Keroro...! *Commanding and angry* Miruru! Kill this giant imposter!

*Cut to Miruru and the smoking console*

Miruru: Uhh not gonna happen.

DK: Have you turned on me too?!

Miruru: Who turned on you first...?

DK: Just fire the guns!

*Cut to outside as shit 'splodes.*

Koyuki: *Sing-song* Bonk. Bonk. Bonk.

Dororo: *Stabby grunts*

*Turrets destroy each other, one fires at the ship. Cut to Shivava and Doruru shooting off Carl's head and arm*

Keroro: *Panicky* Hang on, buddy! We'll get you home to your wife!

Carl: *Flying right into fire* Judyyyyyy.

*Carl crashes into the ship*

Keroro: *Slight pain from a rough landing* Ughhh... Kululu, status report.

Kululu: Current status is I borrowed your Wii... and eh, you don't want it back.

Keroro: OH FUCK IT!

*Carl fires upwards into Fuyuki and DK's room. Doruru appears and destroys Carl*

Keroro: *Being tossed around* WAA-OGH-WAA-OGH-WAA-!

*Midsection lands next to Fuyuki and DK, then turns into a plane*

DK: YYYES! I'm the only Keroro now!

*Fuyuki bangs on the window*

Fuyuki: Sarge! Come on!

DK: Give it up, Yogi! Your fake Sergeant is obliterated!

Keroro: "Sergeant?" *Really high-pitched and giddy* That's me~!

*Cockpit opens. Fuyuki and Keroro grope about*

Keroro: Alright, where are my adoring fans?

Fuyuki: Wugh, smells like OJ...

*Their hands finally connect*

Keroro: *Squeaks, Giddy* Fuyukiiii! Least I hope it's Fuyuki. Please don't be Natsumi.

Fuyuki: Sarge! Can't hear a word you're saying, but at least you sweat the same.

*Dark Keroro powers up in pure ballistic fury as the room lights up*

DK: GRAAAAAAAAGH! *Growling fury, somewhat to himself* That really hurt my throat. And kinda hurt my balls. *Building* But not as much as I'm gonna hurt yours!!!

*Darkerobobo activates, Dark Keroro hops in*

Darkerobobo: Who wants to play evil ball?

*DK revs up a punch at Keroro, but Kerobobo shows up and blocks it*

Kerobobo: Not without a referee!

*One punch sends DK careening into the far wall. Kerobobo turns to Keroro and picks him up*

Kerobobo: Here. You need a helmet.

*Kerobobo walks up to DK lying against the wall*

Dark Keroro: *Bonked on the head by debris, shivers with anger a'la Sideshow Bob*

Kerobobo: Sorry. I lost my arm on the way here.

*Keroro stands up*

Keroro: Give it up, Yogi! Er- fuckin', what even is your name?

*DK silently charges up the wristbands*

Keroro: Urh?! AAH!

DK: *Grimacing, low and somewhat weak* My name is Keroro, you son of a bitch.

Keroro: GAH! RGHAAAAAGH!

Fuyuki: SARGE! SAAAAAAAAGH! *Echoes out*

*Fuyuki stands stunned for a second. Silence except for room tone*

Fuyuki: Well, it didn't work. Here-ah-go!

*Raises his hand, wristband glows and explodes into light, Keroro leaps out of the white*

Keroro: *Ecstatic* Fuyukiiiii!!!

Fuyuki: White Sarge!

Keroro: *Ecstatic, being swung around* Why didn't you do that before?! Yaaaay!

Fuyuki: Aww, you're so impatient!

*Bands explode on the others*

Natsumi: Nnngh! *Sees Giroro* Hegh?

Giroro: Ngh! What and why the hell-?!

Mois: *Calling out happily as she runs over* Natsumimiii! Girodeooo!

Tamama: *Laughing happily, or AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH*

*Bands explode for Koyuki and Dororo*

Dororo: Well I'm blind.

Koyuki: *Sees Dororo* WOOH!

Dororo: Huh?!

*Cut back to zoom out on DK*

DK: *Weakly* But...Funky... I thought we were friends. I knew from the beginning- we had to be...!

Keroro: "FRIENDSHIP!" *Smacks DK across the face, sending him flying. Firmly and loudly* Fuyuki is only my friend! That's not a judgment on his character- that's just how it worked out!

*DK remembers being struck by Keroro in the past and has more freeze-frame flashbacks showing them together as babies in a hazy, cloudy dream setting. First they sit playing with some toy blocks in their diapers and pacifiers. Their expressions are as blank and derpy as usual Keronian expressions. After a few images, Keroro starts crawling over to his twin. He pushes his twin down, puts his hands on the twin's neck, and strangles him to death without either of them changing expression or the POV changing*

DK: *Twitching and grunting unpleasantly. After a bit he growls* You...! It was YOU...!

Keroro: Uh?

*More sympathetic POV shot of Viper outside of the tube looking grimly in*

DK: *Building up* He was trying to save me... *Massive release* FROM YOOOU!!!

*Blast of air*

Mois, Natsumi, Giroro, Tamama: *Freaked out noises as they caught in the gust and then get blown away*

*Blasts past Doruru and Shivava*

Doruru: RrrrrOOOOOOoooo...

Shivava: Damn, m'lord, how 'bout a courtesy flush?!

Doruru: *Flies back up, Dramatic* The Kraken awakes...

*The Kerobuddha begins to assemble in a big dramatic scene. Cut to Keroro yelling at DK*

Keroro: What the hell are you doing?!

DK: I'm revoking my offer to your so-called "best friend"! *More dramatic-psychotic* I will crush you and every last piece of shit that you love!

*Kerobuddha assembles. Ship flies down to connect with it*

Keroro: *Panicky but not quite yelling* Fuyuki! We need to get to the- oh crap!

*Kerobobo falls out*

Kerobobo: Adios, much nachoooooooos... *Smash* G-oohhh gooooood...

Keroro: *Smashed in the head with a rock* GOOH-...! Oghhhhh...

Fuyuki: SARGE!

DK: *Giggling psychotically to himself*

Fuyuki: You bastard...!

DK: *Close-up* HAGH!

*Natsumi, Mois, Giroro and Tamama fly off the ship and are now in free-fall*

Natsumi, Mois, Giroro, Tamama: WHOA!

Giroro: AIRCRAFT DOESN'T NORMALLY DO THIS!

Koyuki: Yeah! Weird, right?!

*Koyuki and Dororo fly up*

Dororo: We've been falling for like five minutes!

Mois: AH! GUYS! LOOK!

*Keroro falls impotently past them with a whistle*

Dororo: KERORO! SPREAD EAGLE! *Dives after*

*Everyone gets closer*

Tamama: JEEZY B, I KNOW WE BROKE UP, BUT SAVE UUUS!!

*A glint is seen in the distance. Momoka and a fleet of planes appears*

Momoka: *Yelling, heroic* Did somebody say "Momoka Love Fighters"?! Just makin' sure! I couldn't hear ya!

*Momoka catches Tamama*

Tamama: Save him!

Momoka: Nah, you do it.

*Keroro ship flies down. Kululu operates it like a maniac*

Kululu: Ogloglgohlgoglhogl-

*Catches everyone*

Mois, Natsumi, Koyuki, Dororo, Giroro, Tamama: GAH-! Oof!

*Ship pitches up. Arms toss Keroro to Mois*

Mois: *Relieved* Uncle! You fell to Earth, like Ichabod.

Dororo: I think I hear his spine rattling.

Giroro: Okay guys... brace yourselves for the... godly butt plug...

*Everyone turns and watches the Kerobuddha glow with color. Planes pass over*

Keroro: *Slightly delirious* Man, after Weight Watchers, I look great!

*Momoka and Tamama land on the ship*

Keroro: *Still delirious* Oh hey, Tamaka! Mamamom!

Momoka: *Commanding* Do I need to be filled on what you've been doing all these years?

Keroro: *Delirious, Ah-shucks tone* Ah, you know, world peace on accident!

Koyuki: *Loud-ish whisper, to Mois* I don't know her...!

Mois: Whose mom is she...?

*Cannon fires in a huge fucking explosion, Momoka's house is obliterated*

Tamama: ...Fresh start, heeeh...?

Momoka: *Worried* It's okay... I keep a spare fortune in the basement.

*Giant Keroro rolls over the basement*

Momoka: That...basement.

*Cut to Paul in the base*

Fuyuklone: *Over intercom* Mr. Moriyama! Status report!

Paul: *Into intercom* SHIIIIIIT made of SHIIIIIIT-!

*Planes and Kerobuddha fight*

Natsumi: *Worried* We gotta stop this thing! Before it destroys our house! Or kills Kululu, who rebuilds our house!

Koyuki: We're gonna need our best weapons!

Mois: Right! I volunteer as tribute! *Slides down into the ship, weapons pop out, voice distorted* Wear me!

*Everyone's posing cool, "Power of Love" plays.*

Giroro: Keroro Platoon!

Natsumi, Koyuki, Momoka, Keroro, Giroro, Dororo, Tamama: FUG'EMUP!

*Doruru appears suddenly and attacks*

Doruru: Who wants a crisis?!

*Fires, the platoon dodges*

Doruru: 'Cause I've been decked out to save you.

Shivava: And now we're gonna deck ya, so remember to save!

*Cut to Dark Keroro and Fuyuki flying to the top of the Kerobuddha*

DK: What?! How are they resisting?!

*DK presses a button showing everyone on a screen, posing cool again*

DK: Wearable women?!

Fuyuki: Oh, should've planned for that.

*Shivava fires, pulls back and laughs*

Shivava: Ha! Ha! Huey! That all ya got, Digiorno Dickcheese?!

Momoka: *Yelling and attacking* YES, THANKS TO YOU!!

Shivava: Wha! Put it in the bank, stupid!

*Cut to Dororo and Koyuki*

Koyuki: Cllling~.

*They run up and cut off guns*

Dororo: Ha! Ha! Haaa!

*Cut to DK*

DK: COME ON! Stop trying so hard to survive!! Living ain't that nice! And I've been dead for a thousand years!

Fuyuki: *Dismissively* Pff, join the club.

Keroro: *Calling from a far distance* Fuyuki!

DK: Hrgh?!

*Keroro flies up*

Fuyuki: You can fly!

DK: Grrrr!

Keroro: *Heroic* That's right, Fuyuki. And like a phoenix from the ashes, I've got...a...gun.

DK: *Lower, slight growl* You couldn't just let me have this, could you?

Keroro: *Matter-of-factly* Duh.

DK: *Accusingly* Do you even remember me?! Do you even know who I am?!

Keroro: YOU'RE MY TWIN BROTHER!

DK: A- Wuh- Oh shit, you do remember...

Keroro: *Calmer* You were the first person I ever hurt. I've hurt a lot of people, but I hurt you the worst.

Fuyuki: And everyone else either forgave him or died, and that's probably not gonna change.

Keroro: *Slightly sarcastic, deadpan monotone* Yes, thank you Fuyuki. *Steps forward, understandingly but firmly* Look, my platoon's changed the past, but we've learned you can't change the past. All I can do is say I'm sorry.

DK: That's... all you can do...?! YOU OWE ME MY LIFE!!

*Massive explosion. Jesus tries to fuck DK's face, but Fuyuki and Keroro save him*

Fuyuki: DARGE!

Keroro: *Hit hard* GUH-! Nngggh-aaaaahhhh!

DK: Huh...? *Dreamily* Ahhhhhhhh...

*Cut to Shivava smacking Tamama into Momoka's arms*

Shivava: Ha! Ha-ha!

Tamama: Ogh-! GAAH! *Hurt* Oh hey, nice job with the house. You could have put your money in the bank!

Momoka: I AM THE BANK! *Blast separates them* Guh! *Recovering, annoyed at Tamama* What do you care?! You ran off the first chance you got!

Tamama: I came back when you were dead!

Momoka: Oh, so I was your meal ticket, and that's it!

*Cut to Shivava glowing red*

Tamama: You tied me to a tree, you freak!

Momoka: *Unhinged* I was emotional about Fuyuki!

Shivava: *To himself* You are wanted. You are wanted. *Snaps* HEY!

Tamama: Egh?!

Shivava: WE ARE HAVING A FIGHT, AND YOU ARE GOING TO- *Tamama blasts him* AAAAAAAAGH!!!

Tamama: BLGGHGHGHGHGGHGGHLGLLLGLHGHGH! *Shivava bursts in the sky* EXCUSE YOU, WE ARE HAVING A FIIIIGHT!

Momoka: *Upbeat* Actually, I think I'm good now.

Momoka and Tamama: Heh-hehhh.

*Tamama and Momoka pose in a painted freeze frame while a Bond Moment jingle blasts*

Shivava: *Echoed, happy with a thumbs up* But in the end, God loves me.

Tamama: NO HE FUCKING DOESN'T!

*Cut to Natsumi looking a little fucked up*

Giroro: *Apologetic* I-I'm so sorry- I swear I'm trying to get better!

Natsumi: *Understandingly but still injured* Dude, it's okay. It's okay, Giroro.

Doruru: *Flying in* Fear not, Giroro! I'm gonna forgive the shit outta you!

Giroro: Watch out, Natsumi. This guy made me who I am.

*Natsumi's mouth drops in horror, Giroro flies off*

Natsumi: *Calling out* Point the gun where you want to fire!

*Giroro flies up to Doruru, eyes wild, as Doruru fires at him. Doruru takes out Giroro's two guns and flight pack. Giroro flies towards Doruru, who's readying a gun, as he remembers a piece of Doruru's advice to TMBG's “Spiraling Shape”*

Doruru: Remember, Private. You may find yourself at death's door. When that happens, branch out. Try something new. Or just borrow it from ya boyyys.

Natsumi: Giroro! Catch!

*Natsumi tosses Giroro his knife from earlier. Giroro catches it and throws it into Doruru's cannon. Doruru explodes*

Natsumi: *Excited, emphasizing each word* Nice shot!

Giroro: Huh. I guess knives are my thing...!

*Dark Keroro slumps in his chair. Gunshots can be heard hitting Fuyuki in the back*

DK: *Hitting the chair* Guh-! *To himself, incredibly conflicted* ...W-...Why would you do that...? How do I take revenge on you now...?! You're not supposed to save me... That's not who you are...!

Keroro: *Miffed* Hey, if you're still trying this invader thing, you don't know shit about me!

Fuyuki: *Impatient* Sarge, can you hurry this up? I've been shot in the back like 50 times.

Keroro: *Confused* Yeah, usually they've forgiven me by now.

*Dark Keroro jumps out of the mech and lands a huge distance down. A crack is heard*

Keroro, Fuyuki: Wuh?! Ah!

Fuyuki: *Shouting* Are you okay?!

DK: *Long pause, yelling* OWWWW!

Keroro: *Shouting, baffled* Why would you do that?!

Miruru: *Floating in from the sky, ghostly* Beats me. I tried doing that and I died.

Fuyuki: *Deadpan* Oh yeah, your neck looks better this way.

*Miruru lands in front of DK*

Miruru: *Understandingly* Hey. We haven't really talked, have we?

DK: Huh? What do you mean?

Miruru: I mean, I never really told you who I am.

DK: *Matter-of-factly* You did what I ordered. That was good enough.

Miruru: Well that's 'cause... you were gonna be mine one day.

DK: Bluh-what?

Miruru: When you were a baby, Viper was already planning to give you up. I was just about to adopt you when... you know.

DK: Yeah...

Miruru: You died.

DK: *Deadpan* Oh, I was way off.

Miruru: But I'd already promised to be a better mother than my own. So I chose to lock myself up in that base with you, that maybe one day you'd live again...

DK: And you just went along with the mass murder thing?

Miruru: *Casual* Yeah, I had fun.

DK: Aww. You're the best, Mom! *Fist up* Thanks for not leaving my side.

Miruru: But now, you know what needs to be done.

*Miruru transforms into a key. Keroro and Fuyuki float down*

Fuyuki: What's she doing?

DK: What needs to be done...

Fuyuki: Yes... I know, but- what is it?

*DK picks up the key, the portal into the ship appears* DK: *Confident* I'm doing what the true Keroro would do. Now that I've killed millions of people, I must save the Earth to redeem myself.

Fuyuki: *Nods* Hm. In the end, that's all that matters.

DK: *Confident* Haul ass, compadres.

*DK jumps into the portal and lands on the control panel*

DK: *Monologuing to himself, eyes closed* Everyone... thank you for giving me a second chance. ...Is what I think you're doing... *Dramatically slams the key into the console* Goin' with THAT!

*Cut directly to the giant ship starting to break apart*

Fuyuki: ...It's... magical...!

Keroro: *Yelling* So's the afterlife, *straining as he picks up Fuyuki* now let's get the fuck outta here!

*Ship dissolves, Kerobuddha starts melting, the platoon watch from the carrier. Debris crashes to the ground. Darkerobobo falls down suddenly and nobody notices*

Darkerobobo: Nnneh...

*Last of the debris falls as the shot fades to black. Fade in to a giant fucking landfill. Fuyuki and Keroro walk up*

Keroro: Welp! All's well that ends well.

Fuyuki: *Frustrated* Ngh... this still feels wrong, Sarge. *Loud* YODELAY-HEEEEEEEE!

DK: *Shoots up from the debris* BLAGH! Stop, I'm not home!

*Cut straight to them running towards him*

Fuyuki: Evil Sarge!

Keroro: Evil me!

DK: Not anymore, I'm not. Wow, the world is so much less red now... and... dumpier.

*Pans over to Miruru's ghost*

Miruru: *Casual* Okay, now I'm dead. *Motherly* And I'm very proud of you. You're gonna go on to do great things one day.

DK: I took over the Earth, killed millions, and then saved it in one day.

Miruru: *Clicks tongue, dismissively* Pretty good. Could've been a lawyer.

*Fuyuki looks over to her, is surprised when she appears as Nazca.*

DK: Wow, Mom, I'm not that evil.

Fuyuki: Oh-...!

Nazca: *Winks* Hn-hnn~

Fuyuki: And now it's weird.

*Nazca flies away*

Nazca: *Calling out her goodbyes as she flies away* Goodbye everyone! Take care of my son for me!

Fuyuki: Pff- no?

*Sun rises*

DK: *Astonished* Ohhh! What is that, other me?

Keroro: *Also astonished* I don't know! It's just sorta there! It's always been there!

DK: Hohhhh! ...Wow...! Everything's turning red again!

Keroro: *Fist-pumps, confidently* Evil me, in honor of my fallen roommate, and for your services to the Japanese waste industry, you deserve a name of your own! I hereby dub thee... Carl... of Junior Jalapeno Burger.

*Natsumi suddenly picks Keroro up and stares at him*

Keroro: *Calm* What. The actual fuck. Did I do?

Fuyuki: *Nervous* Eh, eh-heh-heh...

DK: *Closes eyes, Reverent* Carl... I love it.

*Cut straight to DK getting into a ship and leaving as Keroro makes his closing monologue. "The One and Only" by Chesney Hawkes plays*

Keroro: *Narrating* Sadly, Carl couldn't stay long. He had to set out and prove he's his own frog. But I'm glad I could teach him what took me so long to learn: forgiveness... makes this shit go a lot faster.

*Credits - Instrumental version of "Your Love" by the Outfield plays with the characters singing. Footage used is funny moments of just them from the movie.*

Keroro: Josie's on a vacation far away

Giroro: Come around and talk it over

Tamama: So many things that I want to say

Kululu: You know I like my girls a little bit older

Dororo: I just want to use your love tonight

Keroro, Kululu, Giroro, Dororo, Tamama: I don't want to lose your love tonight

DK: I ain't got many friends left to talk to

Shivava: Nowhere to run when I'm in trouble

Doruru: You know I'd do anything for you

Miruru: Stay the night but keep it under cover

DK, Doruru, Miruru, Shivava: I just want to use your love tonight

Keroro, Kululu, DK, Doruru, Miruru, Shivava, Giroro, Dororo, Tamama: I don't want to lose your love tonight

Keroro, DK: Try to stop my hands from shaking\But something in my mind's not making sense\It's been a while since we were all alone\But I can't hide the way I'm feeling

Fuyuki: As you're leaving please would you close the door?

Natsumi: And don't forget what I told you

Koyuki: Just 'cause you're right that don't mean I'm wrong

*Saburo silence*

Mois: I just want to use your love tonight

Momoka: I don't want to lose your love tonight

EVERYONE: *Credits, including Patrick Warburton – Skidmark Salieri* Uuuuuuse yoooooour looooooove\TONIIIGHT\Uuuuuuse yoooooour looooooove\TONIIIGHT\I don't want to lose your love tonight\

Keroro: I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna!

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