|Sgt Frog Abridged - Episode 7|
Main episode article
The following is unedited from the original document except for formatting. Lines may have been rewritten during recording and/or editing.
Keroro: Ah. Nothing like doin’ nothing, eating fruit, and rifling through your friends’ emails. Let’s see…Giroro to Natsumi, “I’m sorry about the other day”, “I’m sorry about the other day”, “I’m sorry about the other day”…
Natsumi to Giroro, “I told you I don’t like you”, “I told you I don’t like you”, “I told you I don’t like you”...
Giroro to Natsumi, sad face… Huh…
Hey, Dororo has something bookmarked.
‘Ey! They found treasure! Wait a minute… *Gasp*
I dropped my toothpick!
*Cuts to spaceship*
Giroro: So, why are we headed to Planet Doinaka again?
*Keroro stares for a few seconds*
Keroro: I dunno!
Dororo: Oh, I remember Doinaka! You, Giroro and I went treasure hunting there when we were kids.
Tamama: *Concerned* Sarge? *Dororo twitches* Sarge, is Rudolph okay?
Keroro: I don’t know; he said something about treasure hunting. Were we looking for a new neck?
Giroro: Look, if we’re gonna have a flashback, make it quick; they always make me nauseous.
Keroro: Well, alright. Did I ever tell you about the-
Li’l Keroro: Looks like your dad is “wehnted” by the Polish, ZZ Top.
Li’l Zeroro: Guys, you know he’s not my father.
Keroro: But he’s wearing that thing on your mouth over his eye.
Zeroro: So it’s a hand-me-down!
Keroro: Ha, gotcha! Besides, there’s no way you got rich legally.
Li’l Giroro: He is a pirate, after all.
Zeroro: Oh my word, he talks!
Keroro: Of course he does! He’s a member of M.E.A.T.! What does that stand for, again?
Giroro: Misplaced Enthusiasm for Adventuring Team. Every Keronian youth that wants to be useful joins up at some point. We’re a proud people.
Zeroro: Wow, can I see-!…?
Giroro: No! You’ll useless it up! You’ll make me number 99999998. That’s how useless you are!
Zeroro: I think something’s broken…
Keroro: Ha! *Crack is heard* 9! I just got it.
Giroro: Since Viper was a pirate, that means he has treasure, right?
Keroro: Yeah, it says right on the poster I can’t read.
Giroro: Then my misplaced enthusiasm for adventuring says we should go find it.
Zeroro: But guys… *Zooms in* WHAT IF OUR PARENTS FIND OUT?
Keroro: Dude, your dad is a criminal. You’re the least of their worries.
*Transition to train*
Keroro: REMEMBER GUYS WE HAVE TO BE REALLY QUIET.
Keroro: *Accusingly* You know what, I’m getting really tired of your attitude.
Train announcer: Oh, right, we’re taking off.
*Train leaves atmosphere*
Zeroro: Agh! *Splash*
*Train stops suddenly*
Train announcer: Can anybody fly a train?
Keroro: Ah, table tennis!
Keroro: Say, Zerodo. You look a little…pissed off.
*Zeroro looks at him, looks back*
Keroro: *In one breath* So one of us needs to stay here and guard the toilet while the rest of us go outside Oh thanks Zeroro You’re a pal.
Zeroro: …Wait, what?
Keroro: Oh, why do you have to be so difficult?!
*Transitions to outside the bathroom, explosion is heard*
Keroro: *Running in* Zeroro, open the door! We’re wanted in 50 planets now!
Zeroro: Hey guys. Who wants Scrabble?!
Keroro: What did I tell you, Zeroro?!
Zeroro: To…guard the bathroom…
Keroro: *Quickly* Good! ‘Cause I forgot. Let’s go.
*The three run into the passenger car*
Keroro: Hide behind a chair! It’s original!
Old Viper: Oh god, children! Okay, play it cool, keep quiet, and they won’t see me.
*All three turn to look at him*
Old Viper: Dohhhhgh…
Robot: Hey, have you seen three Keronian kids around here?
Old Viper: No I haven’t officer.
Robot: Yeah I’ll bet you haven’t. Damn Snakeys; they’re all the same.
Old Viper: Alright he’s gone. You can come out of there.
Keroro: Dude, all of his money fell on the floor. Take it, take it!
Old Viper: Come on now.
Keroro: Hang on! It’s not a race!
*Cut to the boys sitting down*
Keroro: Thanks for letting us hide in your wallet- trenchcoat, Mister Viper.
Old Viper: That’s Mister Viper, to you, boy.
Keroro: That’s what I said.
Old Viper: Good for you! Have a dollar. Oh shit, my money’s gone!
Keroro: *Deadpan* Oh how unfortunate- hey, are you related to that space pirate Viper?
Old Viper: …You saying we all look alike?
Keroro, Giroro, Zeroro: Yes.
Old Viper: Good for you! Have a dollar- for fuck’s sake.
Zeroro: What exactly is your relation to Viper?
Old Viper: I’m his second cousin’s third uncle twice removed with a lemon twist- I’m his father, you little wiener.
Zeroro: I thought I recognized you! I’m your grandson, Zeroro!
Giroro: KNEW IT.
Old Viper: Yes, I’ve been hearing that one a lot lately. But seriously, what are you three doing here by yourselves?
Giroro: We’re adventurerers looking for Viper’s hidden treasure…rerer…
Old Viper: Well then, I’m amazed you found the map. I have the only copy he ever made.
Zeroro: Oh, father never left me anything.
Keroro: He left your mom! Oh…
Old Viper: Tell you what, you boys can have it. I was going to visit my grandson and give it to him, since his father’s on the lamb, but I kind of forgot to get off the train.
Keroro: …How long have you been on this train?
Old Viper: You see this moustache? It used to be brown.
Keroro: What about your eyebrows?
Old Viper: Whoooole ‘nother train.
Zeroro: COME BACK INTO MY LIFE, GRANDPA.
Giroro: Can I touch it?!
*They look outside, Doinaka is visible*
Old Viper: Well, this is your stop. Good luck on your little treasure hunt.
Keroro: Thanks Mister Grandpa Viper.
Old Viper: …I feel like a donut…*Smile* But I don’t look like one!
Old Viper: Totally lost ‘em.
*Train departs, the three are standing by the tracks*
*Keroro looks at the train schedule upside down, it says only 9s and 4s*
Keroro: What is this code?! Oh well, I guess we can just walk aimlessly in that direction.
Keroro: *Singing* Walking, walking, walking. I love me *gargles*.
*Giroro gives Zeroro a can of soda*
Giroro: Here, don’t make me regret this.
Zeroro: *Quickly* Not makin’ any promises!
*Sliding down the hill*
Zeroro: *Very fast* Donkey noodles!
*Running into the forest*
Giroro: Hahahahaha! Tralalalalala!
Zeroro: *Wheezing and whimpering uncontrollably*
Adult Keroro: *Narrating* After frolicking around like MANLY men, we entered the darkest part of the forest.
Giroro: I got a game we can play. The adventurer who comes home with the most twigs, bugs and poop on their feet is the winner.
Keroro: I’M SO GONNA WIN THAT.
Trees: *Retarded groaning*
You know what, how about we make Zeroro the canary? I mean leader?
Zeroro: My first act of leadership is to call a lunch break!
Zeroro: *Whiny* Oh, all I have is this.
Keroro: A grenade?
Zeroro: I heard it expands in your stomach…
Giroro: You know I’ve been having this thought; maybe bringing Zeroro along wasn’t such a good i-… *Cuts to Keroro spinning mushroom on his crotch* WHAT are you DOING?!
Keroro: *Singing* I’m a big kid now!
Zeroro: …I’m genuinely disturbed. Wow…no wonder you guys keep me around...
Giroro: Yeah, you’re both creeping me out. I’m leaving.
Zeroro: No wait! I wanna feel it more!
Keroro: *Yelling* That’s okay! You’re all just jelly anyway!
*Cut to them sitting down*
Zeroro: *Turns to the guys, quietly* I’m lonely.
Keroro: So uh, what say we go home?
Giroro: We can’t; the train’s not here yet.
Zeroro: I remember when my life didn’t depend on trains.
*In Zeroro’s head*
Dororo’s Mom: Sorry, dear. We couldn’t get you the toy train this Christmas.
Viper: We had to spend the money on my bail.
Zeroro: What did you do, Dad?
Viper: *Sigh* Look. *Frustrated* It’s not MY fault. I just happened to think that they were very sensible looking shoes. But this other guy…
Zeroro: You didn’t blow up another man, did you Daddy?
Viper: Actually, I just kind of touched him and he exploded… Oh! No wait! They were drug charges.
Zeroro: *Cheery* Oh, Dad.
Viper: *Upbeat, tongue-in-cheek* Ha-ha. That’s right. I’m legally your daaaaaad!
*Outside Zeroro’s head*
Zeroro: My daaaaaaaad.
Keroro: You know. A family!
*Shot of the water mill*
*Zeroro’s stomach growls*
Zeroro: Ohh…I wish I ate that grenade…
Keroro: You know you're kind of a wuss.
Zeroro: What? Nu-uh, my mom says I'm cool!
Giroro: Well you might want to cool it up a little more.
Zeroro: I’d have to make time for that on my day planner…
*Keroro and Giroro look at him*
Zeroro: THAT I STOLE.
Keroro: *GASP* Get outta town!
Zeroro: *Sad* Okay, fine.
*Walking through the forest*
Zeroro: *Crying* My mom gave me the day planner…
*Flashlight goes out*
Zeroro: *Crying loudly*
*Slips down a hole*
Zeroro: *Falling* Why’d I have to be the cute oooooone?!
*Cut to train arriving*
Giroro: I sense a disturbance on the rails.
Keroro: …Have you ever even seen Star Wars…?
Giroro: No, but there’s a train arriving!
*Camera pans across train to Keroro and Giroro*
Keroro: Huh… I believe they call this… “Shooty Deus Ex Machina”…
Giroro: And it’s our ticket outta here. But we’re not leaving here without Zerororo.
Keroro: We’re not?! Who are you and what have you done with Giroro?
*Cuts to Zeroro in the pit*
Zeroro: *Sobbing to himself*
*Steps are heard*
Zeroro: Huh? Who’s there?!
Zeroro: *Terrified gasp*
*Revealed to be Snake*
*Cuts to Keroro and Giroro*
Giroro: Whoa, did you hear that? That’s Zeroro yelling “Fuck”.
Keroro: Zeroro’s yelling “Fuck”? *Voice deepens* Hardcore. I wanna bang a bitch with him.
Giroro: *Adult pitch* Fuck yeah, I just wanna fuck everything.
Keroro: Fuck yeah. Let’s go save his ass.
*They go running into the forest*
Keroro: Zeroro! Where are- oh there you are!
Zeroro: *Shouting fast* I'LL PUNCH A DONKEY IN THE STREETS OF GALWAY! I'LL PUNCH A DONKEY IN THE STREETS OF GALWAY!
*They trip over the train rails*
All three shout: Whoa!
*Train horn blares, Giroro pushes them out of the way*
Giroro: God. You’d think I was the only useful one here.
*They start chasing the train, Giroro jumps on*
Keroro: I’ll save me!
Zeroro: Guys! I’ve had enough trauma for one day!
Keroro: Quick Giroro! Use this thing that was only relevant a day ago!
Giroro: My irrelevant M.E.A.T. card…
Zeroro: One meeeeee!
Giroro: Oh, FUCK THIS!
*Throws out card, Dororo grabs it*
Keroro: Just hold on! It can support your weight!
Keroro: Never mind!
Giroro: Wait! I forgot! My reach is amazing!!!
*Grabs hand, card floats away*
Zeroro: Guys…you saved my life…oh but Giroro, your beefstick!
Giroro: Ugh…well I guess that ends that…
Zeroro: I guess we learned a valuable lesson about friendship and sacrifice. Right guys?
Giroro: Actually, I stole it from my dad.
*Train flies away, Fades forward to Doinaka present day*
Keroro: This place hasn’t changed a bit! I remember the random shops, the vending machines and the slug people- this is total bullshit.
Tamama: I think that rock is flirting with me.
Keroro: Haha. If he does I kill him. Come on.
*Giroro sighs, looks over at the train tracks*
Keroro: This is it…? This is the treasure…? A bunch of fucking toys?
Keroro: *Fake happy* Hahahahaha. I feel my childhood dying!
*Cuts to Giroro at the tracks, Keroro can be heard screaming*
*Dororo is rifling through the gravel*
Giroro: *Despondent* What are you doing…?
Dororo: Oh…I’m just looking around.
Giroro: You’re playing in the dirt?
Dororo: YEEEEES. I would like to continue in peace, Corporal, so if you don’t mi-
*Giroro touches his hand*
Giroro: I know you’re looking for that card, Dororo.
Dororo: *Passionately* AM I THAT TRANSPARENT?
Giroro: You’re more like a strobe light.
Giroro: Look, don’t worry about it. It was a long time ago, and I’ve moved on. But…I do appreciate you looking for it. You’re an okay guy, Dororo.
Dororo: *High-pitched* …Really? …Does this mean what I think it means-
Giroro: Just shut up and let me buy you a drink.
Dororo: You got it! So, how far do I have before I go from “Okay” to “Fair”?
Giroro: You got about a mutiny and a half to go.
Dororo: Works for me…Giroro…
Keroro: *Distant agonized scream*
*Part 1, In the hole*
Zeroro: *Panicking* No…gotta be brave… *Out loud* Whoa! Buddy! Watch the fu- no that’s not gonna work. I mean… You don’t want to mess with me! I drink Kool-Aid…from a POUCH!
Snake: I’m a sippy-cup kinda guy!
*Part 2, blank*
Snake: So you’re probably wondering why I was in that hole on Planet Doinaka. As it turns out, that’s my home in Sgt Frog Abridged. I sit in front of a computer monitor waiting for someone to make a mistake, then I teleport to their location and give some advice. I wasted a good bit of juice on that Zeroro brat. I teleported two feet, but it cost me a day.
Dororo: That reminds me, what advice were you going to give me anyway?
Snake: I was just going to say that I killed my father.
*Silence for ten seconds, then video ends*