| Sgt Frog Abridged - Episode 6 | |
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The following is unedited from the original document except for formatting. Lines may have been rewritten during recording and/or editing.
Script
Narrator on radio: Stay tuned for the Saburo Caters to Lonely Japanese Girls Show! Five straight hours of compliments that probably aren’t true. Featuring such classics as: “You look lovely today”, “is that new lipstick?” and, “You may be fat, but you’re puh-hat where I come from”.
Natsumi: *Dreamy* It’s like he actually cares.
Keroro: *Shouting* Okay guys! We need a new takeover plan, and fast! Giroro!
Giroro: Cologne.
Keroro: Hm. What would it smell like?
Giroro: I dunno, rat semen, but say it’ll get you girls and people will still buy it.
Keroro: Point. Kululu, how about- never mind. Tamama! Do you have an idea?
Tamama: Kill the Teletubbies!
Keroro: What?
Tamama: Yeah! Let’s create a bunch of superhuman soldiers and a giant tank that can fire nuclear weapons, and attack the Chinese.
Keroro: Nah, they’ll be expecting that. *Serious* Let’s do a radio show.
Kululu: *Quickly, to himself* I’ll get the chloroform.
Fuyuki: Hey, Sarge! I brought you some fries-
Keroro: NOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM.
*Immediately disappears back down.*
Fuyuki: …You shouldn’t go swimming…?
Keroro: …So, this is a window guys! Remember, the locks are on the inside.
Tamama: Then how do we get in?
Keroro: …Fuuuuuuuck.
*Zooms into Kululu*
Kululu: …HEEEEEH.
*Goes into alert*
Kululu: *Deep* Ho ho ho.
*Pulls up screen*
Keroro: Fuyuki’s walking down the hall…! *Thumbs down* …That JERK!
*Fuyuki falls into a hole*
Fuyuki: *Singing* -your butterFLYYYYYYY!!!
Keroro: *Intense and diabolical* Butter can’t fly without wings, Fuyuki. That’s right. I’m so serious, even the jokes I tell are serious. How many blacks does it take to screw in a lightbulb? ONE. Because stereotypes aren’t cool.
*Cuts to Natsumi*
Natsumi: *Giddy* Ooh, it’s starting!
Narrator: And now for the Saburo-
Keroro: *Over radio, swearing in Spanish* Look, motherfucker, I don’t wanna- *English* Oh we’re live? Hey, everybody!
*Natsumi swings back*
Natsumi: Ah! What the hell?!
Keroro: So today on the Keroro Show, we’re gonna… what are we gonna do, Kululu?
*Bink, mic feedback*
Keroro: AGH! What the fuck, man?! At least give me a chance to catch it!
Koyuki: Aren’t those your friends? Why aren’t you with them?
Dororo: I’M SO LONELY.
Keroro: So I’ve got this great story from when me, Giroro and Dororo were kids. We went to Dororo’s house and naturally decided to tie him to a skateboard. So we made a makeshift ramp out of suits of armor and a bedsheet, but he tore right through the bedsheet, but went flying when he hit the armor. He ended up landing right on a poodle who chased him away, but he was still tied to the skateboard so all he could do was crawl away with his teeth. Didn’t help with that thing he always has on his mouth.
Natsumi: *Banging on door, furious* How dare you idiots keep me from validating my existence by a man instead of a *falls into pit* woMAAAAAAAN!
Fuyuki: Do you feel welcome? Cause I don’t.
Keroro: *Excited* And that’s how Dororo got the nickname “PoodleJumper”! And now to read some fanmail! First letter is from Die…School. Seems we’ve won the South African lottery!
Keroro, Mois, Tamama: Yaaaay!
Giroro: Woooooh.
Keroro: So the next letter is for Giroro… “Dear, Giroro. Why are you the handsomest, sexiest beast alive…? You turn me on harder than a carburetor.” Well, answer them Giroro.
Giroro: That’s not what I wrote…
Keroro: Calm down, Giroro! You don’t want to turn on every girl in the world at once!
*Cuts to Mois looking at ratings board*
Mois: It’s working, Uncle. We’re getting ratings already.
Keroro: And now to read today’s lottery numbers! …4…4…4…4…sssssfffff 9.
*Cut to shot of city*
Lesbos: Fuck it all!
Natsumi: How is that actually working…?
Fuyuki: The ratings are flying!
Keroro: For the next ten minutes, we’re going to explain golf.
*Ratings collapse*
Keroro: …LAZER GOLF.
Mois: Uncle, it’s not working.
Keroro: Go to commercial, quick!
*Cut to Fuyuki and Natsumi looking at speaker*
George Albert: Call George Albert the Urinal Guy. Who needs a toilet when you can have a urinal.
If you gotta take piss and you gotta do it now,
Call this guy and you’ll get a urinal.
Mois: Do you have a plan, Uncle?
Keroro: I got it.
Alien salamander tits, aw yeah!
Tamama: Sumomo? The famous singer from the episode that was cut out? But we don’t actually have her!
Keroro: Don’t worry, we’re just gonna fake it! And Giroro, since you seem to be getting more ass than I am, you gotta voice her- PFFHAHA, I knew I couldn’t keep a straight face.
*Card gets embedded into Keroro’s head*
Tamama: Oh. Should I get the batteries again?
Keroro: HAAAAAGH.
Kululu: We’re going live now, people. *Starts slapping the control board*
*Goes live*
Keroro: Alright people, we’re back, and we have super famous…what does she do- door seller, Sumomo!
Dororo: HE CALLED ME THAT THIS MORNING. WHY CAN’T THEY HEAR ME?!
Koyuki: It’s not a two-way radio.
Dororo: HAAAAAGH!
Keroro: Welcome to the show, Sumomo!
Giroro: Uh… Well, I think its golly swolly that you invited me!
Keroro: So tell us about your door selling business.
Giroro: I just do it when I’m not being a famous singer.
Keroro: Oh, you’re a singer! Can you give us a sneak peak of any new songs you might have?
Giroro: Uh… *Singing* I got an iPod and it broke.
Keroro: Huh. So let’s get to the saucy questions.
Giroro: I’M PREGNANT!
*Ratings disappear*
Fuyuki, Natsumi: Uuuuhhh…
Kululu: Let’s…try this again tomorrow…
*The next day*
Keroro: Giroro! You’re messing up my Japanese thing that gives me good luck! These steps are easy! Tamama can fucking tap-dance them!
Tamama: *Dancing* Hiya-tcha!
Keroro: It’s step, heel, step, plie! *Sees Fuyuki and Natsumi* Ah! Hey guys, you’re not still mad about being trapped in the basement for days, are you?
Natsumi: Don’t kid yourself; we broke out an hour later. Just keep the noise down.
Fuyuki: She’s just jealous of your funky moves, Sarge.
Keroro: Oh that’s nothing. You should see Tamama.
*Tamama tap dancing ridiculously fast*
Tamama: Hatchatchatcha! Hatchatchatcha-tch-tch-tcha! *Ends on semi-jazz hands*
Dororo: By the way, did somebody do something with the coffee today? I can’t see anything…
Keroro: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, I FEEL FINE! … HAHAHAHA!
*Cut to the meeting room*
Keroro: COME ON LET’S DO ANOTHER RADIO SHOW! YEAH!
Mois: *Cheery* Uncle has a few more plans since yesterday was such a disaster.
Giroro: This doesn’t involve me pretending to be Sumomo again, does it?
Keroro: Not to worry. I’ve got this! *Shows Sumomo doll*
Giroro: A fucking doll?!
Keroro: *Mickey Mouse voice* You jelly, Giroro? Hoho!
Giroro: That’ll never work!
Keroro: You know your sexy leader’s birthday is coming up. Have you thought about what you’re gonna get him?
Giroro: Another postcard!
Keroro: Ohhh, I don’t think he wants that-
*Slicing sound*
Keroro: *Loses voice* BUT THANKS ANYWAY…
*Cuts to station*
Keroro: Sorry, if I talk weird today, folks. I dislocated my neck on the way to the station, and boy, are my arms tired!
But today, we have a very special guest, Dororo- heyyy…
Dororo: *In cool-guy getup* Eyyy, I can talk with my- *BONK* Ow…
Keroro: But anyway, the real special guest, Sumomo!
Keroro: So how are you feeling today, Sumomo? *Pulls string*
Doll: You so hot, Giroro.
Tamama: When did you want to become a singer?
Doll: There is something on your back!
Keroro: That’s exactly what I thought. So I hear you have a new song from a friend of yours that you’d like us to play?
Doll: Dear Solid Snake, is your Famus fully functional?
Keroro: Great! Let’s play it now and we’ll go on standby!
*Thorn’s song starts playing, fades into background*
Keroro: Heheh, I love playing with this thing.
Doll: *Starts dying* Giroro, you’re cuter than twiiissst tiiiee…
*Everyone makes faces*
Keroro: Fuuuck… Oh well! You’re up Giroro.
Giroro: Oh, you dick.
*Cuts to Giroro suddenly wearing a large bow*
Keroro: Now remember, that bow will make anything you say sound like Sumomo. So just ruin her career like I ruined yours. Heh. Soldier.
Kululu: We’re coming back now.
Keroro: Welcome back everybody. We’re still here with sexy Sumomo!
*Thumbs up, winks*
Giroro: …Teehee?
Sumomo voice: Teehee?
*Giroro looks up, blushes*
Keroro: So what’s it like being a girly girl?
Giroro: It’s…it’s…GIRLALICIOUS!
Giroro: *Wiggling his butt* Hahahahaha…Tralalalala…
*Mois, Keroro, and Tamama just stare at him*
Dororo: Is this what you guys… do…?
Keroro: …Oh! We’re live. Heh…I was…thinking about something. So! *Serious* It’s time to get serious. Tell us, Sumomo… *very fast* how many licks to the center of a Tootsie Pop?!
Giroro: *To himself* WHAT THE FUCK’S A TOOTSIE POP?!
Keroro: Oh, no wait, that was the wrong question. I meant to ask… What’s your favorite kind of dress?
Giroro: Favorite dress…?!
Keroro, Tamama: We know. We know. We know.
Dororo: Dresses now…?
Kululu: Heh, heh, HEH.
*Natsumi runs up*
Natsumi: Second day in a row?! I don’t THINK so!
Giroro: Well… I guess my favorite type of dress would be…
*Natsumi runs up to window*
Giroro: It would have to be Gucci! I just love the feel of the fabric against my body as I powder up for a hot night on the town! The boys just can’t keep their hands off me!
*Sees Natsumi*
Giroro: Teehee! AAAAAAAAGH!
*BOM, BOM, BOM*
Natsumi: *Utter shock* Gi- Gi- Giroro?!
Giroro: *Words appear* Dreams… are… shattered!
Keroro: *Gasp* She killed tranny Giroro!
*Shot of the city*
Dororo: Don’t judge him! Some people like being tied up; he likes being dressed up!
*Whack*
Dororo: Oooohhhh.
Keroro: You know what? Radio sucks.
*Credits*
*Post-credits - Part one*
Keroro: NOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM Can you get me some water? NOMNOMNOMNOMNOM I’m worried that at this rate-
NOMNOMNOMNOMNOM I’m gonna lose a kidney
NOMNOMNOMNOMNOM OH! And there it goes. Heeeehhhh…
*Part two*
Dororo: So, uh…Corporal?
Giroro: Fuck off.
Dororo: Well, heh, now that you mention it.
*Gets hit with a card* *Pop*
Dororo: …Happy birthday to me!
*Another* *Pop*
Dororo: It’s not terminal!
*Three at a time* *Pop*
Doro: Merry Graduween!
*One more* *Pop*
Dororo: Oh, that’s rude.