|Sgt Frog Abridged - Episode 20|
Main episode article
*Camera turns on, Shurara is already halfway through his speech*
Shurara: -And in just a few hours, my men will advance on your base-
Mekeke: Sir, you know how you promised you wouldn't be mad at me, no matter what I say?
Mekeke: W-...well you did... so you can't be mad that the camera wasn't on.
Shurara: What?! We only had enough money and hostages for one pyro scene! And they're all on fire now!
Lesbo #1: *Yelling from offscreen, in pain* I bet Natsumi's body is this hot!
Lesbo #2: You said you were over her!
#1: And you said you didn't have crabs!
#2: They're boiled now! Don't change the subject, you two-timing skank!
#1: SKANK?! You're the one with a lobster tank!
#2: OH! So now we're on fire, the truth comes out!!
#1: God, I love it when you're angry!
Shurara: WILL YOU SHUT THE F-
*Sudden cut, Ghost plays in background*
Shurara: Let's play a game I like to call "Tic-Tac-Toe of Hate". Cue the TV Monitor of Hate!
Shurara: Ugh, it's so saturated; I hate it! Now, who wants to pick the first loser? I do! Nuii, choose Giroro.
Nuii: *Nervous* Um...Giroro...
Shurara: Grumpy McScarface! Weapons expert with no aim, massive cat allergy but too dumb not to eat them, and married to a ninja so he doesn't have to see him. Mekeke, ice burn sound effect.
Shurara: Taking care of him is as simple as walking up and shooting him. Seeing as none of us have guns, we'll stick to the current plan. Loser! Pick Tamama!
Shurara: Good, now pick Kululu, you loser.
Nuii: *Whimpering* ...Kululu...
Shurara: Speccy McCreamCorn. Master of IT, R&D, and HIV. Went into Devry's Master Degree program, but soon dropped out because it wasn't real... Might be a tricky kill, but he appears to be a vegetable, so we just have make him move for us. Other loser, pick Tamama!
Putata: Tamama, sir!
Shurara: Sputnik McBreathtablet. Nobody knows what he's good at, and neither does he. He has recently started eating large quantities of food, so I suspect it is a self-destruct. He fell in love with his commanding officer because he said "hi" to him. Kill the boss and he'll probably eat more in sadness. All according to plan.
*Keroro appears on the screen*
Shurara: And of course...THAT asshole. *Starts going mental* That jerk who knows how to be a jerk more than any jerk! He's stupid and he ruined my life and I HATE HIM! *Intense* I don't even care how you kill him- just figure out a way.
Putata: But sir!
Shurara: I'M the leader here, not my ass!
Putata: If Keroro's the guy we bam, shouldn't we have a plan?
Shurara: I already told you. Figure out a way. Stop his heart; that's the only hint I'm giving you. Now for bonus points! Billy Bob Gym Shorts! He's Keroro's best friend and a native of Earth. Keroro calls him Fuyuki, but I suspect this is an attempt to flatter him.
*Both Keroro and Fuyuki sneeze*
Both: Ha! Sneeze contest! I win!
Shurara: Do not go disguised as a tree, or he'll hit you with a bike. This I know from first-hand experience... *Points at Mois* Susan the Leper! Reportedly Keroro's niece and one of his many "huns", so I anticipate Asian barbarians. She has the power to transform into an albino and split the world in half, like most albinos. Luckily we snagged a trick from the Garuru Platoon that should keep her out of the way.
*Cut to Shurara facing camera*
Shurara: But there is one soldier of whom you should be very afraid. *Fire phoenix* He's a deadly ninja, he's made of disease, and he's basically immortal. I suspect most of you will die.
Dokuku: Sir, that would be more inspiring if there were more of us. Also I'm already dead. So that kind of narrows it down even more.
Shurara: You're all going to die. There, better?
Dokuku: *To himself, slight growl, full of hatred* ...I wish I'd killed you first...
Shurara: Good, you're all full of hatred. Now listen up, Keroro! Years of work have finally given us the tools to destroy you. So quake in fear... because the Shurara Corp will be the last thing you ever see! Unless you include the inside of your eyelids! Oh?! Is this my moment?! I get to do it?! Okay! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHA!
Mekeke: You told them all of our plans, sir.
Shurara: HAHAHAHA! HAHAHA! HA! ...Ahh... I didn't say it was a good idea!!
*Cut to everyone cleaning up the fence*
Keroro: *Angry* LAUGH IT UP, asshole!
Mois: Did you remember a joke, Uncle?
Natsumi: See Keroro, this is what it's like when you piss people off!
Keroro: Yeah, well when I find that puto pendejo...
Putata: *Calling out* Did somebody say "Putata"?!
*Putata lands on the awning*
Giroro: What the hell is that.
Putata: Yo! I'm...! *Air horn* Putata! And I'm here to say "go big, or go paint a home!" You follow me, sour cream? Home slice surprise! I brought my friends!
Keroro: *Enthralled* Oh my god. This guy is glorious.
Fuyuki: He's at least ten riots!
*Keroro walks over holding hands with Gundam*
Keroro: HE GAVE ME A ROBOT! We're goin' steady... Jealousssaaaahhh...?
Giroro: Oh, you idiot... *points at Putata* He's part of the Shurara Corps!
*Putata air horns, cut to Putata drawing on their base walls*
Putata: Yeah! Uh-huh! Oh yeah, good touch! Built in the USA! Some assembly required! 2 + 2 is Putata, oh yeah!
Giroro: Aaand you still let him into the base...
Keroro: *Stars in his eyes, giddy* He's the little brother I never got to drop on his head! *Normal, Putata summons drawings of flags* Besides I like his moxxy!
Giroro: It's called a flag.
Keroro: Whatever! I'm recruiting him! You're cool with that, aren't you Vaginana? *Evil planning* I mean, when you've got a guy who can bring his art to life, why limit yourself?
Giroro: What part of "Shurara Corps" and "He is vandalizing our base!" do you NOT understand?!
Keroro: That you just said it.
Giroro: *Sulks out of the base* ...Fuck, you're right. I'm sorry, guys, I'll think before I speak next time...
*Kululu is suddenly floating in the air next to Keroro*
Kululu: *Stiff and robotic* Heh-hey there...Kelulu. I'm your friend, Kululu. Er- I mean, I'm Keroro. *Talking to Tamama* Hey loser! How do you like playing third wheel to these two losers below me- er, behind me, shit!
Mois: It's okay, Tamama! Uncle's heart is big enough for both of us!
Tamama: What the hell do you mean "both"?! *Sob* Sarge only has love for me, doesn't he? *Jumping in slow motion* Ooooh, Saaaarge!
Keroro: Oooh, Tamamaaaaa... *Normal, sassy* Somebody forgot to wash their hands. As usual.
Tamama: Buh-?! I thought you said "Germy makes you squirmy"...!
Keroro: *Quickly, low* ...That's disgusting, Tamama.
Tamama: WAAAAAH SERGEANT ASSHOLE!!!
Kululu: Listen to your heaaaaart... T-...the...the blue oooone...
Keroro: Kululu, you seem more sincere than usual.
*Kululu turns, loud disgusting crunching*
Kululu: Yes. "Kululu". Thanks for reminding me.
Putata: *Flying by, said quickly* Help, my brush is out of control dudes!
Kululu: I know this all seems incredibly suspicious.
Putata: *Flying by* It's like a party in my mouth but it's not consensual!
Keroro: Nah, are you kidding? *Calling out* Hey! Chunkymonkeymonkey! Is this all suspicious?!
Putata: Nope! *Summons monsters*
Keroro: See, Kululu? You're so distrusting. *cut to Keroro running screaming down the hallway* AAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!
Kululu: -nd come back.
Keroro: *Panting intensely as he runs down the hall* Tamama!
*Cut to Tamama flying away, phone plays "Rock Lobster", Tamama hangs up*
Tamama: Rrr... I'm gonna make this a long distance relationship. You'll be sorry!
Keroro: *Breathing heavier and more manic* Giroro! AGH! *Giroro's phone rings* Answer, it's your favourite brother-in- *Giroro shoots his answering machine*-AGH!
Giroro: Gettin' duller. The odds are in my favour.
*Knock on the gate, shows Saburo*
Giroro: FOR THE LAST TIME, YOU'RE STAYING OUTSIDE.
*Keroro runs screaming into a room, gets surrounded by monsters*
Keroro: *Still gasping, nervous* Let's just... take a breather... monsters! If you kill me...um....the lettuce will be agitated! Then you'll be sorry!
Kululu: You've been bad, Carotene, and our glorious leader is angry.
Putata: Ha yeah! Be scared! I'm scared! Your boots? Earthquaking!
Keroro: Well I'm more annoyed than angry-
Kululu: I'm possessed.
Keroro: Ooohhh, okay I see- AGH!
*Monsters get closer, sword slices, monsters disappear, Kululu gets released*
Keroro: *Happy* Dorobro!
Dororo: God, will you stop calling me that...
Keroro: NO! And I think Kululu's still moving.
Dororo: Shit! My God Broccoli!
Kululu: *Back to normal, face to the floor* Nope...just your linoleum... HEEGH...
Dororo: Up there!
*Mekeke is revealed*
Mekeke: Ah-hahahaha! *Drops down* Thank god that's all over! Possessing the Yellow one was too...slippery...
Putata: Lotions icky! I'd rather be sticky! *Babbling laugh*
Keroro: *Flat* What do you nerds want, money or something?
Kululu: *Muffled* All nerds want money. *Stands up, normal* But I'm afraid what these guys want is good old-fashioned murder.
Keroro: So I almost got fragged by a dweeb and a spider janitor?!
Kululu: *Slightly dramatic* Yes. We've fought the strongest soldiers in the galaxy, Keroro. Now we must fight the dumbest.
*Putata dives at Keroro with a stamp*
Putata: HA! In your face, I'm a plagiarist!
Keroro: *Muffled from the stamp* WUMF!
Putata: Don't be angry, be Putata! So fresh, with no expiration!
Kululu: *Muffled from the stamp* URGH!
Putata: My uncle touched my dick in the third grade! Not cool! *Finger click*
Keroro heads: Hey big nose.
Kululu heads: Your toenails are too long.
Keroro and Kululu heads: The sun goes down to get away from you.
Keroro: Hey whoa, time out! Do I REALLY sound like that?! I'd be offended if I weren't so impressed!
*Cut to Giroro trying to open the trap door*
Giroro: NURRR! NURRRR! I SAID NURRRRR!
Tamama: Wow, Giroro! You think that maybe it's LOCKED?!
Giroro: Okay if either of you wants to be useful, magic up a solution or something!
*Saburo draws stairs, opens mouth, nothing happens*
Giroro: Well we're fucked. *Paper explodes* AAGH!!
*Cut to Dororo summoning his magic star*
Dororo: Giant Ninja PleasegoddamnitWORKTHISTIME STAR!
Mekeke: *Gets pinned to wall* URGH! *Star explodes, Mekeke babble laughs*
Dororo: Agh, I killed all those people for nothing! What is with this guy...? *Scans him* NOTHING?! Guys, my computer isn't working!
Keroro: *Flailing* We have our own problems, Dororo! My self esteem is so low right now!
Keroro and Kululu heads: Lotion has an expiration date. Thanks to you.
Putata: Lemon lime! All the time! I hate my father!
Giroro: NnnnFLAIL BARRAGE!
Tamama: I'm sorry, Sarge, it's you, not me!
Keroro: *Weak from getting hit with rockets* Uhhhnn... Tamama! *Teary eyed* Giroro!
Giroro: I don't like to say "I told you so" except with you, so I told you so.
Keroro: *Giddy* Acceptable!
Giroro: Now where are the Hinatas? We should probably tell them we blew up half their house.
Tamama: We could just totally blame that guy!
Keroro: Everybody! Beat up the nerd!
*They chase him into a new room*
Putata: Moon walking in reverse! Aw yeah!
Keroro: Get back here, you- Wha?! Where'd he go?
Dororo: Where are we for that matter?
Giroro: This base's layout is stupid.
*Natsumi portrait beeps*
*Walls fall down, the Hinatas appear*
Natsumi, Aki, Fuyuki: WHOAoooOAHoooOAH
Keroro: *Cheerful* Hey! There you guys are! We kinda lost the psychopath we let into the house-
*Hinatas curbstomp the shit out of him*
Keroro: *Mouth hanging open* Fffanks we'll take it from here...
Mekeke: *Evil laugh*
*Saburo is walking around spraypainting the air*
Giroro: Okay. Mute kid. What the hell.
*Spray paint reveals Mekeke's true position*
Mekeke: *More evil laughter, suddenly stops* Huh. This is odd- *Catches fire* AAAAAAGH!!!
*Puppet Mekeke falls to the ground, followed by the Hinatas*
Natsumi, Aki: Ah! OOF!
Fuyuki: Ah! WREH! Ahh... Phew, thanks Sarge! My arms aren't used to exercise.
Kululu: Well that's one of them down. But I'm still annoyed.
Putata: Haha! Game isn't over! I still have tokens! Bought whooping cough!
*Nothing happens. Putata stands confused*
Putata: I guess I'm out of ink-
*Gunshot, screen flashes white, Putata stands with a bullethole in the forehead*
Giroro: And that's my last good shot for the year. *Pregnant pause* Anyone else have a headache?
Keroro, Kululu, Natsumi, Aki, Dororo, Tamama, Fuyuki: YEAH...
*Mois stands alone in a room, a Spanish soccer game is playing*
Keroro: You know, I wouldn't call it art, but she sure livens up the room.
Giroro: You guys are dicks.
Putata: *Left* Step on a crack! Break yo momma's back! You can't make cats sad unless you put a little effort into it! I'm the antichrist!
*Right* Don't forget about me, cottage cheese! You can't spell death without death! That's what you'll be! Under the sea! Please make it stop!
Shurara: *Waking up suddenly* AGH! *Panting heavily* God... *Beeping* Yeah?
Dokuku: Good news and bad news, sir. Putata and Mekeke are dead.
Shurara: ...Oh yeah, that is both, isn't it...? Uhh...alright. Thanks. Whoever this is, you're up next.
Dokuku: It's Dokuku, sir.
Shurara: You're the ghost, right? Yeah...go haunt them or something. *Beep*
Putata: You can't do a haunting without a Putaunting! *Babbling laughter*
Shurara: AAAAGH! *Wakes up suddenly, Panting heavily* God...what the hell...?! *Beeping*
Dokuku: Good news and bad news, sir-
Shurara: OH, FUCK OFF!!! *Beep*