| Sgt Frog Abridged - Episode 15 | |
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The following is unedited from the original document except for formatting. Lines may have been rewritten during recording and/or editing.
Script
*Episode is about Dororo’s wedding plans getting ruined by Keroro getting sick*
Dororo: *Clutching papers* I’ve been waiting for this day all my life. Went from “okay”…to “fair”…to HUSBAND!
Tamama: I’M SO EXCITED I’VE NEVER BEEN TO A WEDDING BEFORE, SARGE! Fucking hint.
Keroro: Mmhmm…
Giroro: *Choked up in arm* I’m so nervous, I’ve dreamed of this since I was a little girl!
Keroro: Mmmm… Little what…? I now choose to be a part of this conversation…
Giroro: Oh, no you don’t. You’re staying out of this so you don’t ruin everything.
Keroro: Hey, I wouldn’t dream of it. I’m super fuckin happy for you… You can only imagine the joy I feel. It feels… lumpy and sore…
*Platoon sits in silence*
Giroro: Dororo…did you… *gasp* for me…?! OH BABY!
*Keroro’s eyes widen, pupils shrink*
Keroro: Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning…I…like…youaaaaaaaagh… *falls*
Natsumi: Good god, are you okay?
Keroro: Kiss me ‘till I’m drunk.
Natsumi: Okay, if wiping one glass is too much for you today, you need to go to bed.
Keroro: ALRIGHT! But you’re meeting me at makeout point!
Natsumi: Hmm...hope he’s not sick. ‘Cause if he is... I might...have...Oh god...*Starts hyperventilating*
Fuyuki: Guess what Sarge! I no longer believe in god! AGH!
Raiden: Raiden likes this status!
Keroro: *Singing “Time of My Life” while drowning*
Raiden: ...Uh oh, buzzkill!
*Transition to Keroro in bed*
Keroro: Ugh...Hun...Fuyuki...
Fuyuki: We’re here Sarge...
Keroro: Fuyuki...I must sing at the wedding...
Fuyuki: What do you guys think he’s suffering from?
Giroro: Being a whiner. You know, this was supposed to get him out of the way, not make him the center of fucking attention!
Kululu: Don’t look at me. I only gave him one of Dororo’s cold viruses.
Keroro: Tamama, report in.
Tamama: I’m here, Sarge.
Keroro: Come in, Hun. Opening cargo bay doors. Keroro love fighters, commencing attack. Engage. Brace for impact. Pew pew pew. The hatches are open.
*Loud crashing, Tamama sobbing uncontrollably*
Giroro: Everyone out of the room. NOW! *Knocks on door* Wait, where the hell...Damnit, Natsumi! Oh god, tie him down!
*Cuts to Aki at work*
Aki: *On phone* Look Giroro, I understand sending out invitations and everything, but why is “Keroro’s death” in a bigger font than everything else?
Giroro: *Mumbling over phone*
Aki: The wedding isn’t even mentioned on the front of the invite. It’s written on the back in Wingdings.
Giroro: *Mumbling*
Aki: I see. Well, try not to speed up the process before I get home, will you? *Puts down phone* I think I can fix this.
*Cut to Fuyuki holding toy box*
Fuyuki: Hey Sarge, I got that thing you asked me to get in my imagination!
*Keroro has cloth on face*
Fuyuki: Oooooh…
Keroro: *Loud cough*
Fuyuki: HUH?!
Keroro: *Loud breath* Well now that I’ve practiced for my autopsy. Oh hey Fuyuki. Sorry I peed on your sister’s dream carpet. Ugh…
Kululu: He’s been in the last stages of the illness. ALL. DAMN. DAY.
Keroro: Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, and a fat one. Mary had a little lamb, and then I stole her car.
Fuyuki: Come on, Kululu, there has to be something we can do! Did you call Pururu?
Giroro: *Trying to change subject* No! No! Look, get over it, Keroro's dead, I bought this wedding gift for Dororo, it's tacky and oddly shaped, guess what it is, wrong, it's a table. A smaaallll table.
Keroro: Giroro love, what five words would you use to describe me?
Giroro: Burning and can’t handle corn. Dororo, come down from the ceiling. Let’s go out for a drink or something.
Kululu: You know, I’m surprised you and Dororo are even a couple.
Dororo: Are you kidding?
Giroro: We’ve been fucking behind your backs for months.
Fuyuki: Guys, Keroro’s dying!
Giroro: Don’t try to cheer me up! We’re talking here!
Keroro: Oh my god, Giroro. Wait until you find out your brother’s coming to take over and kill us all!
Giroro: …Huh…? WHAT?!
Keroro: HQ’s sending his platoon to Earth. But bad news, he’s not gonna make it to Christmas. You’re gonna be so shocked.
Giroro: You motherfucker if you don’t stop dying, I’m gonna kill you! Why didn’t you tell me this before!?
Keroro: UuuuUUUuuuUUUuuuuUUuuuuUUUuuuhh…
*Cuts to Aki arriving home*
Giroro: *Muffled screaming*
Aki: I’m hooome! How’s he holding up?
Natsumi: *Sad* Hmm…
Aki: *To self* Wow, if you’re sad about it… *Upbeat* Don’t worry, honey, I got it taken care of!
Keroro:… I’m your uncle and I heard what you said. And Giroro…well, you already know.
*Door opens*
Keroro: Oh yeah, Natsumi! Fuyuki has something to tell you.
Aki: And I have something for you!
Keroro: *Flat* About time. Flash ‘em, woman!
Aki: Here, Keroro. Take a bite of this!
Keroro: Huh? *Crunch* Hmm, mmhmm *starts bleeding* mmaaaaAAAAAAAAGH!
Aki: It’s called a “bleeding”! That’s how they treated the black plague!
Keroro: Why did you think this would help?!
Giroro: Wow. Even with my wedding day ruined and my brother coming to kill me, this is still the best day of my life.
*Cut to Fuyuki holding Keroro*
Fuyuki: Are you feeling better now, Sarge?
Keroro: *Delirious* I feel great, Natsumi!
Natsumi: So what was wrong with him, anyway?
Dororo: We only gave him a cold virus…
Aki: Maybe he had a condition that made it worse?
Keroro: Oh yeah, I get really sick without any penetration.
*Shot of Giroro, Tamama, and Dororo looking exasperated*
Giroro: AAAGHGH…AAAGHGHGH…
Dororo: That’s what happens when you miss a day?
Keroro: Yep! So we can all blame this on Tamama. Way to go.
*Pause*
Keroro: Now go get married so I can fuck off.
*Credits*
*Post-Credits 1*
Keroro: Everyone, with my last few minutes remaining, I’d like to reveal a few things before I pass. Mois, I forget you’re here sometimes. Tamama, you actually are pregnant. Kululu, I glued those glasses to your face. Dororo, I bought your little brother. Fuyuki, I’m your uncle and I heard what you said. And Giroro…well, you already know.
*Post-Credits 2*
*Kululu HEGHs the wedding march*
Kululu: We are gathered here today because we sorta live here. So, yay! Let’s get the marriage thing over with. Do you, Giroro, take Dororo to be your husband?
Giroro: *Hyperventilating* HEEEGH…HEEGH…HEYEEEEEGH…
Kululu: *Sharp inhale* Uh-huh. And Dororo, do you copypaste.
Dororo: I do.
Kululu: I now pronounce you “people married”. You may now suck face.
Giroro: *Violently sucking in air*
Kululu: Uhh…now that you’ve had your practice run, try putting your mouth on his.
Dororo: *Sweet* I’ll do it, love.
*Smooch*
Giroro: Oh! That was easy.
Kululu: The new husbands shall now share their poems they wrote for each other. Dororo, you can go first.
Dororo: Touch my toes. Then I cry at night.
*Silence*
Dororo: Sorry. I was going to finish it but I started crying…
Kululu: Uh, don’t worry about it… Giroro, let’s hear yours now.
Giroro: Ahem… Roses are red. Roses are red. Roses are. Roses.
Kululu: *Sigh*
Giroro: A clown will not basement and throw me in the bite me.
Kululu: Thank you, Giroro! Thank you. We’re…just shut the fuck up.